The World Of Jadeey

Yes folks, this is my two hundredth post!!

For anyone out there who does not watch the American version of The Office, you should! Jim and Pam are the cutest couple in the history of tv couples. So go rent it or buy it and watch your little hearts out.

I am reading a book at the moment called An Abundance of Katherines. It is a book for teenagers. I have to admit that I often prefer books written for teenagers to those written for my own age group. I do enjoy books written for adults and find that when I read good ones (Anything by Jeffery Deaver, The Clan of the Cave Bear series, My Sister's Keeper, to name a few) I can get completely lost in them. This doesn't happen when I read young adult books yet I still often prefer to read a book aimed at young adults. I think it's because it only takes me a couple of hours to read. I am very impatient and hate not knowing things. I think that's why, when I was a kid, I learnt to be a quick reader.

I really want to write for young adults. I think that is what I will be best at. Perhaps that's the real reason I enjoy reading that level of book so much, because it's what I want to write myself...

It's funny when I look back at my old posts, the ones from the beginning of this blog. My goals have changed somewhat. I no longer feel the need to go to America. It's curious that I don't want to do that anymore. I was so convinced it was what I needed to do. But, this year away from home has made me realise that, while I do want to travel and America is one of the places on the list, I don't want to do it alone. I desperately need my best friend at my side for whatever comes next. Being in the same city as Ingrid is now the most important thing for me. Heh I realise that people will think that is very weird but it's just how it is. I'm sure readers are also questioning my sexuality right now. Not that it matters but yes, I am completely heterosexual, my need for my best friend is purely platonic.

I am going to miss Auckland, well my friends in Auckland, a lot when I finally make the move and leave though. Don't get me wrong, I have thoroughly enjoyed my year here (not a year yet but I haven't got immediate plans of leaving) and don't regret the decision to move here at all. It challenged me and, while at times is has been bloody hard and horrible, I have enjoyed it.

That's about all I have to say for today. It is getting late and I really want to finish my book before bedtime.

Holly out.

Choices, choices. The rugby starts in about an hour, could be an hour and a half. I have to decide whether or not to stay up and watch it. Ordinarily the answer would be obvious but it's daylight savings this week so I am going to lose an hours sleep tonight. Add to that the fact that I have to get up by 10am to give someone the Justin Timberlake tickets they have bought off me and the fact that usually Sunday is my sleep-in day. (Once I've got up to answer the door there is no way I'll be able to get back to sleep.) I'm so exhausted recently that it's pretty tempting to just flag it and head straight to bed now.

I do like rugby though.... Hmmm such a tough call. And so uninteresting to type about.

My next-door neighbour has cats. I am very sad that the cats will not let me pat them. I miss my own cat so much and really just want to cuddle them. But they are too scared and won't let me. So disappointing!

Only 14 more days until I go to Australia!! Woohoo!!!!!

A lot of people die in New Zealand these days. Back when I was a kid I'm sure it was less. I don't mean dying as in of old age. I mean a lot more people are murdered or killed via manslaughter (via? surely that is not the right word to use there. Not sure what other word I could use though so the via stays.)

It used to be that a murder/missing person would be the headline news for weeks at a time. Everyone would know about it, everyone would discuss it and everyone would have an opinion on it. Now it seems that someone will turn up murdered after being missing for a few weeks and I wouldn't have even heard about the missing part. Sometimes the murdered person might not even be the first news item! It certainly won't be the first news item after the first day. When I was a kid it would have been the first item for a few days at a time.

I guess in America they have been that way for a long time. I doubt most of their murders even make the headline news unless it's a serial killer/mass murder. Missing people certainly wouldn't. Australia are similar, I think it's been a long time since murder was a rarity there. But here, in little old New Zealand we were supposed to be safe. Apparently that is no longer the case and that saddens me.

When I was a kid it was pretty safe to go trick or treating (there were, of course, horror stories of psychos injecting poison into lollies but I'm not sure that ever actually happened), it was safe to be out after dark and to walk by yourself to school. From what I can gather it's no longer that way.

On a brighter note... Go Tonga! I have seen heaps of cars driving around today with Tongan flags on their roofs and in their windows. I hope they kick some Pommy butt. (I actually really like the England rugby team normally but I also love surprise upsets as long as they are not happening to us!)

but sometimes I just want to ask for more

I have actually discussed this before but it was a long time ago and it's worth discussing again.

Sometimes I make myself laugh. I don't mean that I tell a joke that amuses me as much as everyone around me (or only me while everyone around me looks blank). I mean that sometimes I am walking somewhere and I think of something really amusing and I laugh. Other times I manage to hold back the laugh but I still grin like an idiot. And, believe me, when a person is on their own grinning they do look like an idiot.

I don't mean to amuse myself so much. It's not like I go around telling myself clever jokes. Well... Sometimes I do, but most of the time I don't. It sort of happens accidentally. I will be thinking about something amusing that happened or something that I think would be amusing if it happened. Then I laugh. After that, well I feel a bit silly and hope no-one was looking.

Moving on... I have a HUGE obsession with secret sites. By secret sites I mean websites like Postsecret, Grouphug and Livejournal Secret where people anonymously write secrets. Anyone who has been to my flat recently will already know that me and Kat like these secrets. Our secret wall can atest to this. I particularly like it when I find a secret that I can completely identify with. A lot of my own deepest, darkest secrets and fears have been mirrored in other people's secrets.

I'm really tired. I should probably head to bed soon and get an early night. I was planning to watch Full House but realised that I've actually already finished the entire season so that was a bit disappointing. Ah well, luckily I have plenty of other DVDs to choose from!

Another day of work, another day of annoyance. Today I was on an operational shift. This essentially means I don't do any of my own work because I spend the day doing what a duty manager does. We do this to keep down our hours. I'm (along with the other 2 assistant managers) on a salary so the more operational shifts we do the better because we are then not having to pay a waged employee.

The annoying thing about operational shifts is not just that I have a million things to do that operational shifts get in the way of. It is that I find operational shifts the most boring thing in the world. I have now been with the company for 6 years and 4 of those years were spent as a duty manager so I've done it all before. The thing I've enjoyed most over the last 2 years is that I've moved on from being a duty manager. I sort of feel like I've gone backwards rather than forwards. Logically I know this isn't true but it sure feels that way sometimes.

Okay, no more complaining. I'm home now and watching Heroes. Life is good.

I thought I was on post 199 when I posted the last post. That would have meant tomorrow was the big 200! (Or this one would have been)

However, Kat pointed out to me that drafts are counted in the count by blogger. I said I didn't have any drafts because I don't prepare anything in advance. I decided to check anyway just to make sure since I've had this thing for a couple of years and thought maybe I used to write stuff without publishing and then forget about it.

It turns out I did actually do that a couple of times last year. Neither of the posts were finished but they were both significantly written that I just published them anyway. (Not that anyone will read them unless they are reading WAY back anyway so oh well, that seems like a waste.) I also found that blogger has occasionally saved my post as a draft halfway through me typing it. I know that it is blogger and not me because on two of them it was stopped in the middle of a word. I would at least finish my sentence!

All of this means I am only at 194 posts. (Now 195 since I have wasted a post whining about the fact that I am no longer at 199. Good job.) So, it will be a few days yet before we get to the big 200! (More time for the anticipation to build. Woohoo!)

Songs often give very good advice. I really should listen to that advice more often.

I seem to be pretty good at this posting twice a day thing recently...

Kat won't let me watch any more Heroes tonight; it's still to early for bed; I'm bored; I'm restless. So, I'm going to tell you a story.

There was a girl. She was a nice enough girl, pretty ordinary. All she really wanted in life was a boyfriend. Not the most ambitious of goals but it worked for her. Right from when she was a child she'd dreamed of her wedding day, she thought it would make her complete. Even though the world had moved past the days where woman had to stay home and look after the kids, be the homemaker, this girl hadn't. That was what she wanted in life. That was all she wanted.

One late Saturday afternoon when the girl was 17 she admitted to her parents that this was her goal. They had been talking to her about university and what she wanted to study. She was their only child and they expected big things from her, doctor, lawyer, astronaut, something great. Understandably they were upset when she told them she had no intention of going to university. Instead she was going to go out and find herself a man, marry him and have his babies.

For the rest of the year following the girl's revelation to her parents about her future they tried to talk her out of it but to no avail. The girl would not be persuaded. This was what she wanted out of life and they could like it or lose her It was their choice.

Unable to accept her decision, or perhaps just not believing she was serious, the girl's parents refused to give her their blessing. On her 18th birthday, newly graduated from high school the girl left, planning never to return. She didn't have much money but she was sure it would not take her long to find the man she was looking for. Afterall, it was her destiny.

Six months later the girl was flat on her back as a fat, balding, smelly man grunted and sweated on top of her. Becoming a prostitute was never the girl's intention, she had sort of just fallen into it. So set in her belief that she would not ever have to have a job because a man would save her, she had refused to look for a job even when the little money she had ran out. Alone, starving and sleeping on a park bench she had been unable to conjure enough resistance to say no when a man approached her and offered her money for sex. She made two hundred dollars that evening and all she had needed to do was lie there while he used her to satisfy himself. She had been able to have a proper meal and sleep in a motel for the first time in a week.

The girl rationalised to herself that this wasn't really a job, she wasn't giving up her dream, her destiny. She didn't do any of the work, she always just lay there while the men satisfied themselves. She may not have been paid as much as other, harder-working, street-workers but it was enough for her and left her with the delusion that she didn't have a job.

It didn't take long for the girl to get into trouble. One night a man decided he didn't want to pay for sex, he just wanted to take it and not gently either. The girl tried to resist, tried to insist that he pay her. Her resistance angered the man and spurred him on. He started to hit her, to rip at her clothes and to take her by force. The man was far bigger than the girl and he would win, she knew that although she still tried to fight.

Just as the girl had given up hope, had come to the realisation that this was going to happen whether she liked it or not, she heard a voice yelling out for the man to stop. Her vision was blurry as the blood from a cut on her head leaked down into her eyes so she could not see what the new man looked like. She liked the sound of his voice though. It was familiar somehow, it made her feel safe and warm. The girl felt a weight life off her as the new man pulled the first man off her, throwing him to the ground as though he weighed nothing. This man, with his safe sounding voice was a real-life hero. Her real-life hero.

The safe-voiced man held her gently and murmured something in her ear. She couldn't understand the words he was saying, it was all just nonsense but, like his voice, it made her feel safe and warm. He took a cloth, perhaps it was his sweatshirt, and gently wiped the blood from her face. Her vision became clear and she saw her rescuer clearly for the first time. In that moment she realised she really was safe, she wouldn't have to work on her back while she waited for a man to come along and take care of her. He would look after her until she was ready to look after herself. He was here. Her dad.

~~~

Okay so that was weird. No idea where that came from. I just started typing with absolutely no plan in mind to see where it would take me. It's something I do from time to time as a writing exercise. I just start writing a story with no ideas at all in mind. I'm not allowed to stop until I am finished and am not allowed to take more than 15 minutes. It sort of frees up my mind and leaves me ready to concentrate on whatever I'm actually working on. (Although usually I don't publish the results - after reading this can you blame me?) Forgive all spelling and grammar mistakes, I do not go back and edit anything. Also forgive the lameness of the story. Once I have typed a sentence I do not change it. And no, this story does not reveal some reverse Oedipal-complex, she's not going to marry her father. To me my dad is a hero and I'm guessing that feeling just came out as I was typing.

Labels: writing

Sundays and Tuesdays are my favourite days of the week. Usually they are my days off. I am not one of the lucky people who manages to get two days off in a row, my days off are separated by Monday, roster day. However, I feel lucky that I do actually get two days off at all most weeks so I try not to complain too much.

The annoying thing about not having my two days off in a row is that I never quite recover from work. I used to spend my first day off sleeping and sitting around home, just chilling out, relaxing and recovering from my week at work. My second day off would then be spent cleaning the house, going out, doing something fun. Because my days are not off in a row anymore I tend to find that they are all spent in the at home phase. This is okay, if I had a desire to go out and do stuff I would. It does worry me I tiny bit that I have lost this desire. I'm just so tired all the time. I figure that when I move back to Wellington and get into and ordinary routine again my life, and desire to get out there and do stuff, will return.

I had a very productive day today actually. I did the dishes (that doesn't sound like much but it took me 3 loads!), walked up to the mail centre and collected my epilator, learnt how to use my epilator, did 2 loads of washing, did some reading, watched a bit of tv, worked on my business plan a bit and started working on the treatment (for those of you not in the writing world, a treatment is an extended outline of a script or novel) of a story I think would make a really good book. I'm pretty satisfied with my day considering it's only 4.30pm!

The problem I have most as a writer is that I always want to get straight to the end. I want to be able to skip the planning stages and even the writing of the first half of the book. This is part of the reason writing short-stories works so well for me. I am a lot better than I was. I used to think that I actually could skip the entire planning stages. I thought I had a good enough idea in my head that I could just write it out and have it work. This always resulted in unfinished writing of 20 or so pages. It took me a while to put two and two together and admit that it was my lack of planning holding me back. I do the planning now even though it often annoys me and my writing is certainly a lot better for it. (Pity I don't do it with these blogs huh!)

I realised today that, despite my efforts to deny the fact, when I moved up here I definitely lost quite a few DVDs. I still hold out the naive hope that when I return to Wellington I will find them in one of the boxes I left behind but I doubt it since my mum has gone through all of those boxes at one stage or another looking for stuff I've asked for. I don't think I lost very many, so not a whole box but my collection is definitely a few short. I have never written all of my titles down and I own way to many to remember them all but every so often I want to watch something, or think about a DVD that I suddenly realise isn't here. Four Weddings and a Funeral, Y Tu Mama Tambien and Bad Guy are all missing. Sad.

Hmmm that appears to be all I have to say today. I am off to watch an episode or two of Full House then it'll probably be time for dinner.

I am watching Heroes. It is awesome!

Does the fact that I wrote two blogs yesterday exempt me from today? I'm thinking probably not.

It's school holidays. For me this means work gets a whole lot busier and a whole lot more painful. These holidays aren't as busy as previous ones so perhaps it won't be so bad. (I've probably jinxed it and it'll be awful)

I get to go to Australia in 18 days!! Woohoo!!!! I can't wait! Sun, theme parks, fun, no cellphone and no work! It's going to be the best.

I love writing. I think we have established that somewhere along the way. I do find it a challenge sometimes though.

I am very shy and, as such, don't take criticism all that well. This has made the idea of submitting anything for publishing more than a little abhorrent. (Actually, daunting is probably a better word, it's not quite bad enough to deserve the word abhorrent but I will leave it there since it suits the needs of this explanation.) I have a great need to be liked, anyone who knows me can attest to that. My desire to be liked is one of the reasons I don't think human resources and management is quite the right area for me. I have no desire to spend my working life constantly telling people off. But I digress...

My need to be liked stretches to my writing. I don't want someone to read my writing and not like it. I am under no illusions about the life of a writer. I realise that there is no possible way, if I become a published writer, that everyone will like what I write. There is not a single writer in history that appeals to everyone and there never will be. I suffer no misconceptions thus becoming brave enough to actually try and get something published will be a huge challenge for me.

One of the major stumbling blocks when I am writing is sex. I get a little bit embarrassed writing about it. Not because I think sex is embarrassing but because I never know how descriptive to be. I don't write romance novels so I'm never going to be writing about a tall adonis of a man thrusting his throbbing member into the depths of a woman. (Or whatever it is they write about. I have to confess that, despite being very well-read, I have never ventured into the Mills and Boon arena.) I write about real-life (so I like to think) and real-life includes sex so I need to write at least a little exposition on it. I don't think the sentence "and then they had sex" is going to cut it. I could go the way of the bible and write that "they lay together" but again I think this is selling my own writing short and a sure-fire way to incur quite a lot of criticism.

Up until this point in time I have shared very little of my writing with anyone else (aside from this blog of course). I am aware that the time is drawing near when I will have to reveal myself to people and find out if I am actually capable of this writing thing or am just dreaming. I fear that this means also unleashing a poorly written sex scene on the world. I hope that I am wrong and that the praise will be heaped upon me and my sex-scenes. I guess we will have to see.

I'm sure that after reading this some of you are wondering why I would be more nervous about the reception of the sex parts of my stories than the rest of them when the sex is only a minor part of anything I write. The reason is that there are award ceremonies (maybe not actual ceremonies, I'm not sure, but there are certainly awards) and whole websites solely dedicated to awful sex-scenes in books. I don't ever want to find my name appearing there. There aren't (to my knowledge) awards and websites dedicated to poorly written conversation between a boy and his father (to take one example) so it is the sex that scares me the most.

Jesus, if there is a website dedicated to 'most boring blog in the world' I think my blog might be in with a chance of winning. I say I'm here to entertain people and then I go and even bore myself!

I am only 5 posts away from 200 posts since I started this blog way back in 2005. I'm still sad that my old blog got deleted. I miss it. Yet, I haven't learnt from that experience and backed this one up. Oh well, let's just hope lightening doesn't strike twice.

Blogging interests me, well more specifically people's reasons for blogging interests me. Mine is sort of a like a diary but less private. I have a slightly more private blog as well as this one but mostly my really private thoughts don't get anywhere near the internet. My 'diary' as it were is very much for my eyes only, as it should be I guess.

I have a friend who blogs about music and his recommendations for what people should be listening to. I have another friend who runs a political blog where he discusses politics, gives his take on things and breaks down some of the more confusing aspects of New Zealand politics (and sometimes American) so everyone can understand. Both these blogs are interesting to read and I can see that having a blog that centres around a topic is a good idea.

I couldn't do that myself. The only thing I could really blog about on a constant basis would be cricket and even then I think I'd often run out of things to say. The Black Caps are just too consistently inconsistent to write new and interesting stuff about them very often.

Other friends of mine just have blogs like mine where they blog about what is on their mind. I can't speak for them but my blog doesn't aim to inform anyone about anything. The internet is too research-oriented for me to bother with that. I guess it's there to entertain people. With this whole blog-a-day thing I think I have become less entertaining cos all too often I write crap just to get my daily blog out of the way. Hopefully my crap is written in a semi-entertaining way so that I haven't turned anyone away from my blog though. But I think if I started lecturing you all about the importance of car-pooling or recycling or the current political climate then I would be even less entertaining. Not that I'm disparaging anyone who does write about those things - if they can do it in a way that interests people (and the blogs I read are interesting) then good on them. I know my limitations and know that I cannot make that sort of dry material interesting so I tend to avoid it.

My viewer stats have improved significantly even if I don't get comments very often so maybe I am doing something right. What the hell have I just been writing? I have no idea.

Okay I'm off to watch an episode of Full House before my flatmate arrives home. Then it will be Heroes watching time! Yay!

I've wanted to be a writer, or at least entertained mild thoughts of being a writer, for as long as I can remember. When I was at high school and university I didn't believe writing was going to make me enough money so I never pursued it. Since then writing has always been my fall-back option. When I panic that I still don't really know what I'm doing with my life (this is a panic that has been going on since about 6th form) I would always calm myself down with the thought that if all else fails I will be a writer. That thought has never failed to calm me down.

Sometime last year I realised that the reason the thought of becoming a writer always calms me down is because it is what I actually want to do with my life. I don't want it to be my fall-back option. I want it to be my career. I have also always wanted to own my own business. Happily, if I manage to do both then my business will hopefully balance out the fact that it is hard, as a New Zealander, to make money from writing.

Over the years I have experimented with a heap of different writing styles. I have tried non-fiction which I am okay at but not great. If I do go down the journalism path then it will take a huge effort on my part to improve enough to be successful. I have tried fantasy type fiction (ie purely from my imagination) again I am okay at this but not great. I finally found my forte when I started writing fiction based on reality. I will not be writing the next Harry Potter but I might be writing the next My Sisters Keeper. (If you haven't read either of those then go and find a copy now. You won't regret it. Or ask me to borrow mine because that'll be cheaper.)

Along the way I have fancied myself as a script writer. I still do actually. I find the difference between writing for print and writing for film totally fascinating. I have a file on my computer that is 18 pages of story ideas. None of the ideas in this file are more than 2 sentences (so as you can imagine there are A LOT of ideas listed in there). The ideas I have thought about beyond those 2 sentences are then detailed in their own file. Probably about half the ideas in that 18 page document would never, ever work in print. They are purely film ideas. A very tiny percentage would only really work in print and the rest would be okay in either.

When you are writing for film you can think in pictures. There are some stories that just won't come across quite the same in words. For instance I have a half written script that is about a serial killer. In itself the story could be written for print and, if the writer is good enough (which I hope I will be one day), still be scary. However, there is one scene which is very critical that would never translate from film. It is a scene that shows the serial killer raping and killing a series of women juxtaposed with him making love to his wife. (Don't worry, I haven't just given away a whole lot of intellectual property. It's not like what I just wrote hasn't been done before anyway.) This scene is completely critical to my story and without it the story would actually almost be about something else. It's nice to have the freedom to write in either medium. I don't know how any writer could be happy just sticking to one.

A LONG day. Lots and lots of roster adjusting plus lots and lots of candy bar serving.

You don't get to hear about my opinions on writing tonight either I'm sorry. Kat has been waiting all day for me to get home so we can watch Heroes. I've never seen it before so I don't want to be distracted. If I am distracted I will not understand stuff and will spend the rest of the season wondering what is going on. That won't be cool.

Until next time.

Peace.

(Wow could that title be any more lame?)

Guess what I did today?!? Guess! Guess! Guess!

I bought MORE Justin Timberlake tickets. Now we have 14. Today I bought Gold tickets to the 3rd concert (on a Monday night unfortunately). The seats are WAY better than my original Silver seats to the 1st concert. This means I have a whole lot of tickets to sell. I'm being nice though and selling them at pretty much cost.

JUSTIN JUSTIN JUSTIN JUSTIN JUSTIN JUSTIN JUSTIN JUSTIN JUSTIN JUSTIN JUSTIN JUSTIN!!

I am watching The Office season 3. I bought it from Amazon because I LOVE the show The Office. It's hilarious. Jim and Pam are about to get together, it's exciting. It's also the final episode which will mean I have watched the entire season in about 3 days. Scary.

I was going to write about writing but Kat is waiting for me to finish writing this so we can watch the final episode. I will write about that tomorrow instead. After we finish watching The Office we still have Heroes (which Kat accidentally typed as Herpes earlier. funny) and Friday Night Lights. I don't know what Friday Night Lights actually is, I've never watched it on TV but it sounded good. (Yeah, I'm addicted to buying dvds. I've mentioned that before right?)

I was going to write one more thing but I've forgotten what it was so I can't. I will probably remember about one minute after I turn off my laptop. Sad.

A few years back a friend of mine was thinking about breaking up with her boyfriend but she didn't know whether or not she should. Me and another friend were both of the opinion that she should but our word wasn't enough. So, we started looking for signs to help her make the decision.

The boyfriend's name was Sandy and the sign I remember most vividly was in the window of an apartment down near the waterfront. It was an actual sign that read "No more Sandy". I kid you not. It really did. I have no idea what the real meaning of the sign was but it was just painted on a big piece of cardboard. It was actually pretty freaky.

I both love and hate when scary things like that happen. My old flatmate once told me a story from when he was a kid. He had to go to his sister's school play and as they were getting ready to go he asked his mum why they would be turning all the lights off half way through. His mum didn't know what he was talking about and pretty much ignored his question. Lo and behold (heh) halfway through the production there was a power cut and all the lights went out. Scary stuff.

The idea of psychics interests me a lot. I think most of them are just scam-artists. I mean, all you have to do is be good at reading people and be a quick thinker and it wouldn't be too hard to say stuff that the person can relate to. But I do think that every now and then someone comes along who actually does have abilities. I don't understand it and I do find it very spooky but I think it's very possible. Stories like my ex-flatmate's make me pretty sure there is a such thing as psychic abilities.

Being scared (in a safe way) is something I enjoy very much. Discussing supernatural phenomenon is a pretty safe kind of scary so I enjoy it. I even kind of enjoy nightmares for the shivery, scared feeling I get when I wake up from them. I am very good at waking up when the scariness of a nightmare is getting too much for me, unlike when I was a kid and would be terrified. I love waking up and being too scared to open my eyes in case there is someone standing over me. Of course, if there was actually someone standing over me it would no longer be a safe scared and I wouldn't enjoy it. So hopefully that never happens!

Today was my day off. That meant it was washing day. I am always very sad when I wake up on my days off and it's raining or cloudy because it means that I'm not going to be able to hang my washing out on the line. I have a weird love for washing that has been dried out in the wind. I particularly love when I put clean sheets on my bed and they have been dried outside. They smell so much better than sheets that have been dried inside. (It's particularly annoying when my sheets need to be dried inside since there isn't really room on a drying rack for a sheet.)

Wow so I just went on about washing for quite a long time.

I can't really think of much else to talk about. This is lame. It's sad really because so little has happened today that I have nothing to say.

Oh! I know something exciting! David Beckham has been confirmed to play a match against the Wellington Phoenix in December. That's definitely something I'll want to go to. I mean, when else will I ever in my life get to see such a famous, skilled soccer player. (The answer to that question is never) I would say tickets will sell-out bloody quick. The Phoenix have actually been attracting quite a crowd to their games which is awesome for NZ soccer.

Okay bored with that topic now. Time to move on. But to what? Hmmm....

I'm trying to write this while I'm watching TV. (I think that's pretty obvious from my lack of ability to string my sentences together properly.)

I had so much I planned to do today. (nothing terribly exciting - I had a dvd I wanted to watch and a book I wanted to read) I didn't do any of it. That's okay really, I could have done those things if I'd really wanted to but the day sort of seemed to slip away from me and I ran out of time. Lucky I will have other days off in which I can do it. Yay for days off! I did spend an unusual amount of time at work watching a banner being put up. Not just any old banner though - a HUGE banner that stretches across almost the entire length of the candy bar.

This is the lamest post EVER!! But I'm really distracted by everything going on around me and cannot concentrate. Sorry. I'll write something later if I think of something better to say.

I feel like taking a moment to discuss the challenge for those of you who are a bit slow on the uptake...

Kat started blogging everyday a while back just to see if she could. I then decided this was an interesting idea and joined in. Somewhere along the way it got turned into a challenge with a punishment clause if you didn't manage to blog. (Currently the punishment is to eat a blenderised Happy Meal, drink and all) Also somewhere along the way David joined in as well. (Although being a bit of a wimp he refuses to incorporate the punishment clause.

Kat, myself and David all have different variations on the challenge so it really is a personal thing for all of us. David doesn't have to blog by midnight each day, he is happy if he blogs once every 24 hours. Kat is concerned with the actual posting of the blog, she sometimes writes in advance and has a few saved up for posting on days where she lacks time/energy/motivation to write. For me the challenge is the writing, I have to write something new everyday. I think our variations of the challenge actually do show something of our personalities - I'm the writer and Kat's the computer/internet junkie. (I'm not sure what David's says about him - that he's a wimp for avoiding the punishment clause perhaps??)

The reason I've choose not to write extra blogs and store them up just to post them on days when I lack time is because, to me, that's boring. It doesn't provide the slightest challenge to me. I could easily write all day on a day off and prepare heaps of blogs. I'm a writer, it'd worry me if I couldn't do that. After that it isn't hard to find a few minutes at some point during the day to go to this website and press post. No, for me it is the challenge to write something original everyday. Even the days where I lack time I try and make my minimal posts different.

When I go away to Australia in a few weeks I plan to still write everyday. I won't be able to post because I don't plan to waste my money in internet cafes but I will write. I have a book which I am going to take with me. I'll write everyday and then type them all out and post them when I get back. To me that is in keeping with the spirit of the challenge. (I love that our differences of opinion also mean that both me and Kat can easily escape the punishment clause. If I ever run out of time to get to a computer I can still jot something down on paper and have it count. Heh - making up your own rules is great!)

Kat's challenged herself to continue with this until her 30th birthday. I make no such promises to do the same. Blogging everyday has already become habit so you never know, I might continue but I also might not. I tend to find when I am writing I cannot focus on two stories at once which means when I settle down to write my next book (I say next because I've written stuff before, just not published stuff) blogging could distract me in which case I'll give it up and just go back to blogging when I feel like it. We'll just have to see.

I'm pretty annoyed right now actually. I came up with what I thought was a brilliant idea for a story the other day and now I've completely forgotten what it was. So irritating! I really need to start writing stuff down when I think of it! Oh! Wait! I think I might remember.

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok - I'm off to detail this idea before I forget it again.

Bye!

Today I am going to tell you all some things that I find interesting or important to share. Be warned that I use 'interesting' and 'important' in the loosest sense of the words. For everyone else it could be totally boring.


1. The numbers on a digital clock flashing 12:00 in a dark room in vaguely creepy.
2. Even at 25 years old I still get a little jolt of panic when I pull a potato out of the bag and see it growing shoots. (See a post from a year or so back for more on this one.)
3. People are ultimately selfish but every so often you find someone who is completely unselfish and wonderful. If you find one of these people then do everything in your power to be around them as much as possible and always appreciate them.
4. Marmite toast is always satisfying.
5. Sometimes people pick REALLY ugly colour cars and think they look great. They are wrong. Other people laugh at them.
6. When someone says they are laughing with you it is usually actually at you. Some people don't realise this.
7. Nothing lasts forever, yet people (including myself) don't always appreciate the good things while we have them. Instead we complain about the bad things. Fucking enjoy life people, it's the only one you're gonna get!
8. I can never sleep properly on Sunday nights. Most nights of the week I sleep really well but not Sunday nights. This has nothing to do with trepidation at the idea of the upcoming week because it's always this way - even if I have nothing to do on Monday.
9. A few words of appreciation work wonders with me. Clearly I am very starved for attention or something since a single nice comment will often make my day. (What a loser! {hmmm maybe the fact that I call myself a loser for enjoying nice comments is an indicator of the problem...} )
10. I still associate certain songs with certain people even years after I've ceased caring. I heard a song I hadn't heard in about 4 years today and it immediately made me think of the person I used to think about whenever I listened to the song.
11. It only takes a split-second to extinguish a life. I know this yet I don't treat every conversation with people as though it could be my last. One day I'm sure I will regret this because I will lose someone important to me and I'll feel like I wasted my last conversation with them. Yet, to treat every conversation with everyone as if it is my last is infeasible. (And also pretty damn morbid)
12. "The last time I heard his voice he asked me how to spell dresser drawer. The next day I found out he had killed himself with a gun he got out of a dresser drawer. He wrote his suicide letter on the phone while talking to me." I just read this sentence written by someone else and it scared the shit out of me. (It was reading this that inspired number 11)
13. I am 25 yet I still long to 'be magic' as much as I did when I was a kid.
14. Just because you fall in love with someone it doesn't mean they are going to fall in love with you back.
15. Life isn't fair. I know this and have for a long time but, still, everytime life throws a curveball at me I feel surprised and hurt that life isn't fair. It seems to be a lesson I have to constantly relearn.
16. I feel more upset and horrified by stories of human cruelty to animals than to other humans. This is not to say I don't feel sad or horrified by people getting hurt because I really, really do. But stories about animals getting hurt by people tends to upset me even more.
17. Lots of people hate to do the things that I love to do most. I cannot imagine how anyone can hate some of the things that I love because I get so much joy out of them I fail to see how other people don't. It is pretty amazing how different two people can be.
18. Every adult tells every kid to enjoy being a kid rather than rushing to grow up. No kids (except Peter Pan) ever listen but it's so damn right, I would love to be a kid again.
19. I can't believe some (usually old) women grow beards. Wouldn't you do something about that shit before it gets beard-like? I mean come on! How can any woman not care that much that they GROW A BEARD?!?
20. It still shocks me that there are people in this world selfish enough (if they are rich) or stupid enough (if they are not rich) to vote right-wing.
21. It also shocks me that there are some American's stupid enough to think Dubya is a good President. A lot of them even. Scary.

Labels: lists

I went and played mini-golf today with some people for work. It was Kat's surprise birthday activity.

I didn't win.

I also didn't lose so that's a good thing. I think I came second in my team, it might have been third. Not last. Happy days.

Now I am being very naughty and blogging from work (just like the old days!!) because I have work until 11pm then need (yes need!) to watch the AB's take on Portugal in the World Cup. This means I will not be home until after midnight and I REALLY, REALLY don't want to eat a blenderised Happy Meal.

So. Yeah.

It's my day off and I'm about to have to go in to work and talk through my 'objectives' with the boss. I also just remembered that he wanted me to prepare a spreadsheet of my goals for the next little while and I haven't done that yet. Whoops better get onto that right now.

Work sucks.

Not that I want to go on and on about it but FUCK!

Stephen Fleming retired as a one day player yesterday. I am sad. So incredibly sad.

I will never love cricket as much as I've loved it while he was captain and I'll never love another player as much as I've loved Stephen Fleming. I always knew the end would come one day but it seems to have snuck up on me.

I know that no-one else cares about this as much as I do, if at all, but expect Stephen Fleming to be the topic of my blogs fairly regularly for the next little while. This is the end of almost 12 years of idolising, obsessing and hero worship we're talking about.

:(

Labels: Stephen Fleming

I felt like posting again. I'm not sure why. I don't actually have a lot to say. Hmmmm.

Kat has been sleeping a long time. She went to bed at some crazy hour last night. I think it was around 5.30pm! It's now 11am the next day and she is still sleeping. I'm guessing she got up sometime during the night for a few hours because otherwise I should probably be getting worried.

I've been pretty productive since I last posted. I've showered, called my dad to say happy birthday, called tip top to place this week's icecream order and cleaned my room a bit! I still need to vacuum my room but I thought that could wait until Kat isn't sleeping because vacuuming while someone is sleeping is a pretty mean thing to do. I should also do the dishes.... Hmmm yeah I really should.

One thing I really like about living in such a small flat is that it is really easy to clean. Back in Wellington my bedroom alone was the size of my lounge and kitchen here put together. I'm not exaggerating! Me and Ingrid have decided that whenever I move back if we can't find a place to live straight away we'll just share that room for a while because both our double beds plus my desk, bookshelves, drawers, her drawers and wardrobe will all fit in there with room to spare. It is actually the biggest bedroom I have ever seen in my life. BUT because it was so huge it would get really, really messy then would be such a mission to clean that I could never be bothered. Here it only takes about half an hour to clean the entire flat! See! Sometimes small is good!

I have to go to work later today and start stocktake. I'm not excited by that prospect AT ALL. I have got to say that I would be happy if never again had a job that required me to do stocktake or rosters. Although I shouldn't complain too much because the other two assistant managers at my work seem to have a worse deal. Events you get called a million times a day by stupid women who want to organise their child's birthday party RIGHT NOW even though it is your day off. Candy bar you have to spend every moment you are at work in the candy bar. Candy bar is my least favourite area of the whole cinema so if I had to work there every single shift I'd actually probably just shoot myself. So yeah, I should actually quit complaining because I think I have it pretty sweet compared to the other two.

It causes me vague amusement that what was supposed to be a summer job between university semesters has turned into this. When I first applied back in Wellington I thought I was just going to work full time for the summer and then maybe work a few shifts during the week. Next thing I know I'm changing to part-time uni and full-time work. Then I decide it's time to move on and (before I can tell anyone) I get offered a payrise so I stay. A few years pass and I again decide to quit. But no, once again before I have even told anyone my plans I get offered a promotion. I stay and towards the end of the year plans begin forming in my mind about what to do next, i'll be graduating and I'm sure as shit not staying at Hoyts after I graduate. My (still secret!) plans are thwarted once again when I am offered another promotion. Finally, just as I am getting bored in my job and feeling like I need a change I'm offered another new opportunity with the company. How is it possible that this has happened to me so many times? Clearly fate was intervening there quite a lot. It's actually a bit scary.

Have I rambled enough yet? This feels like the posts of old where I just start posting because I feel like writing. I miss this. With the whole 'post a day' thing I don't really let freely ramble. I'm not sure why, perhaps because I am always working to a deadline and post when I don't actually feel like it. It's good though since as a writer I will often be having to write when I don't feel like it and I'll have to make sure I'm still producing decent work. So this is good practice! (Not that I'm saying this blog is decent work. It's pretty appalling work actually.)

Okay I need to go and start filling in some paperwork for my Journalism course. Apparently because I have never published any articles I have to provide essays and other non-fiction writing that proves I can write. Pity I can't hand in my blog! Actually, scratch that, I'd never get accepted into anything based on this blog. Heh.

I really hate emotions. Yeah I know, that is the stupidest statement in the world but it's still true.

I am a highly emotional person. I did some personality profiling a few years back where it breaks your personality up into a whole lot of quadrants. Something like 75% of my decisions are emotional. This is not a good thing.

One particularly stupid thing about my highly emotional state is that I often get depressed when I'm alone. The really dumb part about this is that one of my dreams is to go and live somewhere beautiful, far away from anyone else, and just write for a few months. Clearly though this will not be good for me as I'll get all depressed.

So this now means that my emotional side is interfering with two of my dreams. To be a social worker and to go somewhere remote to write. Anyone else seeing the problem here cos I sure am! You'd think knowing this about myself I'd be able to fix it but that doesn't seem to work. Yesterday I was by myself all day and I got MEGA depressed. I knew it was happening but I was powerless to stop it. In the end I went to bed because it was easier than sitting and sulking. Jesus what a waste of a day.

It used to be funny back in Wellington when my flatmate would go out for the day and I'd be left alone. He'd get home well aware that after a day alone I wouldn't feel good and always ready to snap me out of it. He had two solutions to the problem and both worked pretty well. The first was to come bearing chocolate. The second was to bore me stupid the moment he walked in the door by telling me computer stories I couldn't even understand let alone be interested in. It was amazing how well both strategies worked.

I thought I was getting better and I find it incredibly irritating that I'm not. Ah well, it's not like I'm not used to it after 25 years but it does annoy me. (and worries me when I think about what I will be like if I spend a few months alone trying to write. Yet I still can't give up that dream.)

And no, if anyone was planning to suggest it, anti-depressants aren't the answer. It's not the debilitating depression that requires anti-depressants. I can be snapped out of it within minutes without chemical help. It's a pain in the arse rather than a serious problem. (Sometimes I hate that I was a psyc major. I know I shouldn't be diagnosing myself but I'm gonna do it anyway!)

Hmmm my cellphone just rang but I missed it. I don't recognise the number and they didn't leave a message. I wonder who it was! Oh! Speaking of phones, I better go ring my dad because it's his birthday today.

What do you do when your boss is demanding the impossible? When you are actually being asked to do something that you cannot do. Because that is what is happening to me and it's driving me insane.

I'm lucky in that my immediate boss is on my side and believes what I'm being asked to do is impossible. But even with the two of us arguing that they are wrong, upper management are insisting. What is this impossible task I have been set? Those of you who work with me can already guess I'm sure. It's the god-damn roster.

I am being asked to create a roster that matches what we call our 'grid' or our 'matrix'. When they were preparing our budget they created a grid based on an Australian site that upper management decided was similar to our site in terms of labour needed to run it. This grid matches up the number of hours we are allowed to use based on our forecasted admit levels. If we get our forecast wrong then our duty managers are expected to cut or add hours to match.

The problem is that everyone at my site believes when they created our grid they got it wrong. I cannot seem to make a roster that is even close to grid. I'm usually over a hundred hours too many. Oh, of course I could make a roster that matches grid but I can't make a workable roster that matches.

It is incredibly tempting to enter a week with a perfectly matched to grid roster but the repercussions to our customers make it not worth it. I am at a loss and don't know what more I can do. No-one above my immediate boss (the one who is on my side) appears to be willing to actually take a look at our roster and show us where to cut the hours. The standard answer seems to be "It's Holly's job and she's not doing it very well."

Add to this the fact that I constantly have staff bitching at me. Both because they are not getting enough hours and because there are not enough staff on each shift. I get phone calls from upper management telling me to cut hours because that is my job. I try to argue and get told in no uncertain terms that I have to do it. I then make cuts and get angry duty managers and staff telling me I shouldn't have done it. I actually am stuck between a rock and a hard place and very few people get it. Those that do never bitch at me about it and I appreciate that more than they can ever know.

I'm reaching breaking point on this issue. I dream about the roster, I think about it on my days off and I obsess over it when I'm at work. I don't get paid enough for this grief that's for sure. I'm now hanging on for a few select people. My immediate boss because it's not his fault and I don't want to leave him in the lurch, my co-assistant manager who will be stuck with the roster if I leave and my flatmate who provides immeasurable support every time I come home from work utterly defeated due to the fucking roster. But I tell you what, if this continues for much longer there will be a Holly-shaped hole in the office door at work.

It happened today. Just as I feared it would.

I have no words.

Stephen Fleming got dumped as test captain today. That really fucking sucks.


Fuck you John Bracewell
Fuck you Dion Nash
Fuck you Justin Vaughan
Fuck you Richard Hadlee
Fuck you Glenn Turner
Fuck New Zealand Cricket


You're all idiots. You're never going to find a better captain than Stephen Fleming and you're all just to damn pig-headed to see it. Daniel Vettori is NOT ready. He might be good but Stephen Fleming is better. Why fix what's not broken? Just because you're all pissed that he decided not to be ODI captain anymore? Fuck! He did that FOR New Zealand Cricket! To give the new captain 4 years in the role before the next World Cup. There was no god-damn reason to drop him from the Test captaincy!

Flem - as much as I can't bear the idea of never seeing you play again I hope you turn your back on them completely. None of them are even worthy to clean your shoes anymore let alone dump you as captain and then still expect you to walk out onto the park and play. You're the thing I've always loved most about cricket and god-damn I'm going to miss you.

Fuck.

Labels: Stephen Fleming

with no crying

Me and Kat are having a lovely night at home watching DVDs. She actually should be going to bed because she has uni in the morning but watching DVDs is so much more fun! It is also, despite having a collection that rivals some video stores, something we don't do very often.

I have a DVD habit. I admit it. I addictively (don't think that's actually a word but you know what I mean) purchase DVDS. I bring my purchases home, happily add them to my collection, look at them lovingly for a while and then never get around to watch them. Seriously, I would guess I haven't seen at least half the films in my collection. I've seen most of them before I went out and bought them but haven't seen them while owning them. It's strange I know. I am the same with video games. I own heaps of games that I've only played once or twice and, embarrassingly, a couple that I've never played at all.

It's a pity my collections wouldn't have a good resale value cos I've certainly poured enough money into them over the years. I guess it's healthier than a drug, cigarette or alcohol habit though so it's all good.

Oh - Kat has decided to go to bed. I have been left alone. How sad. :(

Speaking of my DVD collection. Kat and I are both attempting over the next little while to write a story with the titles of our DVDs. It should be fun. My story is partly written but it'll still probably take me months to complete it. It'll be great when I do though! You'll see!

Considering how small New Zealand is it always surprises me that the different cities can be so different. We are a tiny country yet there are slightly different accents throughout New Zealand (you only need to travel from Auckland to Dunedin to discover this), there are different values throughout, different culture (I don't mean culture as in 'Maori culture', I mean it as in 'workplace culture', the way the group of people in each city interact and what they think is important.) and a different spread of wealth.

Auckland and Wellington are the only two cities I can really compare since I have only travelled everywhere else, never lived. But that's okay because Auckland and Wellington really are as different as night and day. Auckland is a much richer city but, interestingly, it is also a much poorer city. The contrast between rich and poor in Auckland is astounding. This is a city that houses both the richest and the poorest citizens in our country. In Wellington the rich don't get as rich as they do in Auckland and the poor don't get as poor. This is, of course, a massive generalisation. But, for the most part the spread of wealth in Wellington is a lot more even than it is in Auckland.

The thing that strikes me the most though is the different culture. Wellington is the capital of New Zealand and, as such, is quite a political city. Every Wellingtonian has visited the Beehive at least once in their lives, usually more than once. The cafe culture is huge, you cannot walk more than a few metres without discovering a cafe in Wellington. Even in the lower socio-economic parts of Wellington cafe's are thriving.

Driving is the big thing in Auckland. In Wellington it is not uncommon for people between 15 and 25 to not yet have a licence but in Auckland people get their licence as soon as they can. Auckland is so spread out and the public transport system is so appalling that you have to be able to drive to get anywhere easily. Wellington has an excellent public transport system and you can get to most places quickly and easily (also cheaply which is awesome).

The huge driving culture in Auckland brings me to the biggest difference I have noticed between Auckland and Wellington. That is the difference in attitudes towards drink driving. In Wellington it is not done. Yes, people do drink drive but they never talk about it for fear of recrimination from their friends and, actually, it's usually older people who were driving long before it drink driving was considered very, very wrong.

In Auckland drink driving seems to be a lot more common. I need to stop here and point out that I am talking about drink driving NOT drunk driving. While the two go hand in hand there is a difference. You see, in Wellington, if someone is the designated sober driver it is actually unusual for them to touch a drop of alcohol that night. Most people in Wellington who are planning to drive have a completely alcohol free night. Whereas in Auckland most people do have to drive at some point during their night so they 'drink in moderation'. The problem I see with this is that studies have shown that something like 90% of people are surprised to find out they are over the legal driving limit because they think the limit is higher or that they have a higher tolerance. Also, by the time you feel the alcohol in your system, even slightly, you are over the limit so it is easy to drink too much for the legal limit.

Wellingtonian's, as a group, seem to have developed very strong opinions about drinking and driving. Apparently the "If you drink and drive you're a bloody idiot" campaign has worked for those living in the capital. It's not fear of police that stop people drinking and driving, if it was then they'd have one drink or maybe two and then get in the car. Or, in the extreme, carry those DIY breathalisers to make sure they are not over the limit. No, in Wellington, people don't drink alcohol at all if they are the sober driver because, somehow, a total aversion to the idea of consuming alcohol and then getting into the drivers seat of a car has developed. People are far less likely to just shrug and get into the car with someone who has had anything to drink in Wellington than they are in Auckland.

I think part of the difference has to do with Wellington's public transport system. The after-midnight bus service is awesome. There are buses to most places every half hour to hour right through until about 4am and they're cheap. Even a taxi from the middle of town to a lot of places isn't too expensive if there are a few of you going that way. After a night in Auckland city the other night I spent $60 on a taxi and someone else spent $80. These would be practically unheard of taxi fares in Wellington. You'd have to be going from Wellington city all the way to Wainuiomata or somewhere for it to cost that much. (And then I don't know why you'd catch a taxi all that way cos you'd just catch a bus or train for most of the journey.)

Public transport can't be all of it though. I'm not sure what the rest of the reason is but someone should figure it out.

Oi, oi, oi!

It's almost time for the NZs first game in the rugby world cup! We're playing Italy first up and it's probably going to be the hardest game of our pool. (Yet it should still be a walk in the park for the ABs)

I have something I want to write about but I'm having trouble concentrating because me and Kat are watching Full House while we wait for the game to start. Only half an hour until the pre-match buildup! Woohoo!!

I was lucky enough to go and watch the Warriors play the Eels in the semis last night so it's been a great couple of days of sport. The Warriors didn't win (unlike the ABs who I am confident WILL win - they better anyway!) but it was an awesome game anyway. The atmosphere was pretty amazing - I've not really seen anything like a league crowd. Rugby Union crowds are a lot more placid. (Which is saying a lot considering rugby crowds aren't actually very placid)

I've finally remembered something I want to blog about at a time when I am actually near my computer and ready to blog. It's a miracle!

The bill abolishing youth wages is New Zealand was passed two days ago. It's not in it's original form because it couldn't get the political support but it's near enough. From April 2008 people under the age of 18 will get paid the same minimum wage as those over the age of 18 once they have worked in their job for 3 months or worked 200 hours, whichever comes first.

I love Labour. Don't get me wrong with what I am about to write. Labour is the party I support, the party I have always supported and will continue to support in all likelihood. I believe in what they stand for which is, in essence, equality. I don't think that those who earn lots of money already should be given tax breaks while the poor people, the one's who need the government's help, are left to suffer. I am happy to have a little less money in my pocket if it means someone who really needs it benefits from that. Sure, I know it doesn't always work like that. There are people on benefits who don't need to be (I know some of them) and people who take advantage of government assistance because they are too lazy to make an effort themselves. But I like to believe (and maybe it's a naive belief) that there are more people out there who really, truly, need that assistance than there are people who take advantage. If it was a choice between paying higher tax knowing that some people who deserve it get benefit and some people who don't deserve it also benefit or not paying higher tax and knowing that everyone who really needs it is missing out then I would choose the first option everytime. I will continue to support Labour until their policies do not match what I desire from a government (ie looking after the little guys) or until I am certain there is no-one left in this country who needs government assistance. Since I have no doubt that there will always be people who need a little help now and then, I guess I will be a Labour supporter forever unless their policies change significantly.

However, despite my staunch left-wing views, I do not agree with continually raising the minimum wage and I REALLY don't agree with abolishing youth rates. Why not? Because economically it doesn't make sense. It hurts middle income earners without giving any real benefit to low income earners and that just seems stupid to me. Sure, I can see how it works in theory but that isn't how it works in actuality. Everytime the minimum wage is increased so are the prices of products and services that rely on cheap labour. If you don't believe me then watch the prices of takeaways, movies and other entertainment for the 3-6 months surrounding the next minimum wage hike. They'll go up, I guarantee it.

I've been on a salary now for the past 3 or 4 minimum wage increases and my salary has not been raised by the same amount. So, minimum wage earners are getting closer to what I earn if I broke my salary down to a 40 hour a week wage. So yes, the gap between me, a middle income earner, and minimum wage earners is getting smaller. But minimum wage earners are not benefiting because prices of things they spend their money on are going up to match the increase in minimum wage and they have the same amount of money in their pocket. I'm certainly not benefiting, I'm suffering because I'm not earning any more money but prices are increasing so I have less money in my pocket. Increasing the minimum wage certainly looks good on paper and makes it look like the government are really working hard on improving the lives of low-income earners but really it's all fucking bullshit.

The abolishing of youth rates is also bullshit. Yes, some under 18 year olds will still get hired but there is no way they will be hired in the same numbers that they are now. If you had the choice between an over 18 year old, ie someone with a little life experience, who isn't at school so doesn't have to be rostered around that and who is just expected to be a bit more mature OR an under 18 year old, you're going to go for the over-18 year old nine times out of ten. In my experience (and it's actually quite a lot of experience since I've spent the last 6 years supervising a mix of 15-25ish year-olds) the over 18 year olds are the far better workers, the far more reliable workers and just the overall better choice. I'm not saying EVERY over 18 year old is better than EVERY under 18 year old because that's sure as hell not the case. But if you didn't know the people and were just having to go off a short interview then unless the over-18 year old really screws up their interview they are going to be picked because it's the safer bet and when it comes to hiring staff (in the type of industry kids can get jobs in anyway) you always want to take the safer option.

The kids love it right now because they don't understand that they are not the best choice for a job. Of course they think they are a good choice, I thought I was a good choice when I was that age. I now realise that I was an okay choice, a cheap choice, but not a great choice. With a few more years of life under my belt I certainly became a far more reliable person and this is the way it is with most people.

It sucks but it's life. The bill is a stupid idea and is, in the end, not going to help anyone. In fact, I think it will probably do a lot of harm to our youth since having a job is a pretty good way of maturing someone. It's a pity that often people can't see passed the dollar signs and actually look at the long-term effects. The young people this helps will be the future voters, that's what Labour are looking at. The kids themselves are too busy looking at the dollar signs to think it through. Hell, it's a great strategy really since it will come into effect long enough before the next election for a huge number of 17 year olds that are already employed to reap the benefits for a few months then turn 18 and vote for the government that gave them that chance. Eventually the kids will realise they've been gypped but by then it'll be far too late.

I hate money. Most people who know me know how much I love saving but the truth is I absolutely hate money. I hate that, for most people, it is so damn important. Living in a commune might actually be a good idea!

I mean come on, we spend our entire childhoods learning what we need to get a good job and then the prime of our lives is spent putting that education to good use and earn money. Unless we are extremely successful our old age is spent worrying about money and whether we will have enough to last us until we die.

I am extremely poor at the moment. I will actually be shocked if I make it until payday without having to dip into my savings which makes me EXTREMELY angry. My credit card is at it's limit and my eftpos card is scarily close to it's overdraft limit. This also means next payday will be spent paying off debts and there is no way I'll be able to save any money. Actually, it'll probably take 2 paydays (which is 2 months since I am paid monthly) to get back to a point where I can save again. Why, you ask... Well partly because so many people owe me money and partly because I had a few major, unexpected, expensive this month. It really sucks.

I know I'm lucky. I get paid a fairly decent amount (not industry standard by any stretch of the imagination but pretty good for someone my age). The thing that scares me is, if I give up my job, will I ever find another job that pays as well or will I spend the rest of my days destitute and regretting this decision. You see, most people quit their job because they have found a better one but I'm quitting to have a go at following my dream. It's pretty risky and I hope like hell it pays off. I've seen other people take the same risk and fail miserably. I don't do failing very well so let's hope I'm not making a terrible mistake!

I am getting excited though. I'm making some big plans and I'm very much looking forward to following them through. You are all very privileged actually. When I'm a rich and famous author you'll all be able to say you read my work when I was just a lonely blogger! (Ha judging by this blog I'll never be famous but ah well, a girl can dream can't she!)

Conference is all over. It's a bit of a letdown really, I don't feel like going back to regular work! I had a good time (once my presentation was over). One of the managers offered me a job down in Christchurch. I'm not going to take it of course but it was nice to be offered it anyway.

I had something I really wanted to write about but I can't remember what the hell it was. So annoying. I even thought about starting it off last night in case I forgot but then I assumed there was no way I'd forget. How wrong I was!

I'm pretty tired. Might have to go to sleep soon. I'm bored anyway, there's not a lot to do and I clearly don't have a lot to say.

Eh I'm going to give up now. Later.

I'm up far too early because it is time for day 2 of conference.

Today we have a whole lot more boring lectures then we are going on a boat! After the boat we are going drinking at the Viaduct. The good thing? Most of this is on Cokes dollar. Go coke!

First day of conference over. The best thing about that is it means my presentation is over and I am free to just enjoy the rest of conference.

It's a pretty boring 3 days but it's a nice deviation from the monotony of work so I can't complain too much. However, it also means 3 very long days and not a lot of sleep which sucks since I didn't get much sleep over the weekend either. I'm tired!

I'm going to the Warriors on Friday night. Woohoo!!!!! I can't wait!!!!! Fun.

I'm home! This time I don't mean I'm home in Wellington, I'm home in Auckland. I find that statement as confusing as I'm sure everyone else does... I do feel very at home here in Auckland and it is quite nice to be back even if the ache of missing Wellington is still there.

Lots of exciting stuff coming up for me in the next 6 weeks, I have a feeling the time is going to fly by. I've got concerts, Kat's surprise birthday activity and a trip to Australia to look forward to. It's nice to have things to look forward to rather than just the monotonous everyday non-excitement of work.

It's my night off tonight but I have to go into work to finish preparing for conference tomorrow. I've still got a roster to finish and a presentation to refine. Boring stuff but critical stuff. It's actually times like these, conference times, that I feel a little more worthwhile in my job. Don't get me wrong, I have no desire to do a presentation, but it makes me feel like I'm more than a glorified admin bitch. Let's face it, 80% of what I do at work is administration related what with the roster and stocktake taking up at least 3 of my 5 shifts. The funny part about that is if you ask me the job I am least interested in and think I would be worst at it would probably be administration. Ah well.

I have season 7 of Full House on DVD. I think I might watch some of it tonight. Wow my life is exciting.

Yep, I'm home and it is great. The weather is windy and it is bloody freezing but it is home.

Haven't done a lot but I'm happy to be here anyway. Pity I have to go back soon.

I've got Hoyts conference Monday-Wednesday and Kat has generously said if I don't get to blog in that time I won't have to eat a blenderised Happy Meal. However, I'll try hard to update anyway - even if they are as crap as this one!