The World Of Jadeey: November 2006



Sometimes you've got to say please

Sunday, November 26, 2006
It's very windy today. So windy, in fact, that my outdoor table collapsed itself and flew a few metres to the right. Needless to say I haven't bothered trying to go for a bike ride. I'm not certain I'd even move if I tried riding into the wind. And riding with the wind? Ha, I wouldn't even have to peddle. I've lost all my energy on this medication anyway. Even getting out of bed is proving a huge effort at the moment. Stupid kidneys.

I feel like going out and getting totally trashed. I know I'm not supposed to drink but right now I don't care overly much about that. The idea of getting blind drunk and just forgetting, for an evening at least, some of the stuff that is bugging me sounds endlessly appealing.

I've been watching the Ashes for a bit today and Australia are doing it nicely. England are 3 wickets down chasing another 530 odd runs. They're certainly never going to win and I imagine only rain will save them from defeat.

I was supposed to clean my room this weekend but unfortunately more fun options kept presenting themselves so my room is still an appalling mess. (Bear in mind that gouging out my eyes with a pen is a more fun option to me than cleaning my room so it isn't really surprising that it didn't get done.) However, I did have a dream last night that I cleaned it. It was so very tidy. Kinda disappointing when I awoke this morning to find it still a mess.

I'm also supposed to go and do the food shopping which is another thing I'm currently avoiding. Sometimes I enjoy the supermarket but I don't think today will be one of those times. It doesn't hold quite the same appeal when you basically have to stick to the fruit and vegetable part.

Hmmm clearly I don't have a lot to say. Hehe probably because I have done absolutely nothing productive this weekend. It's been fantastic. I went into work for 2 hours yesterday morning and have avoided the place since. Nice.

Below are a couple of short stories I wrote ages ago. I thought I'd post them again, just because. The first one I think may already be on here somewhere but I've edited it a wee bit since then. The second is pretty true to my initial relationship with Sam. (Uh, not the Sam who posts comments on here, a Sam who is long since out of my life.) It is also the story which my very first proper film was based on.

Both were written in a very short period of time and not really edited all that much so they are both pretty rough. But, that's why they are getting posted on here, because I'm never going to do anything else with them.

The Boy

The sound of gunfire faded and the smoke began to clear. For a brief moment there was total silence. Not even the sound of birds chirping could be heard. The silence of death. Then, all at once, the silence was shattered. A woman’s cry rose up; the horrible, devastating sound of a mother in denial at the death of her child. Anguished cries and calls for help built in force until all memory of the silence was erased.

The boy stood still and stared out over the bloody battlefield. He was far too young to have been involved in a war. He should have been playing soccer with his friends, not killing people. But, killing was his fate and he had done it well. His side had won. The war was over. Generations filled with hate, with blood. It was over. Finally.

A man in an official uniform came over to check on him, but the boy paid no attention. He could not tear his eyes off the horrible, bloody scene around him. A father, holding his little girl in his arms, her body still and lifeless. A child, no more than five years old, crying over her mother’s dead body. A husband, trying to get near his hysterical wife as she tries in vain to get their son to wake up, he will never wake again. A father, lifting a soldier’s body off his twelve year old daughter, she died from the same bullet as the soldier while he raped her. A wife weeping over her husband’s body, he had died to save her. A family with no-one to cry for them because they all died together. A bloody massacre.

The boy cried for all of these people. He cried for himself and for those he had lost, for those he would never know, for those he would never again talk and laugh with, for those who were so filled with hate they started the war that killed these innocent people. There was no bravery, no pride in his eyes. All that was there was sadness. Sadness for a world gone mad, a world where a boy had spent his childhood training to kill people, a world where that same boy had just completed that mission and had killed. He had killed for a reason he didn’t understand, he had killed because that’s what he had been told to do. His instructions had come from adults who should have known better, who should not have sullied children with their own bloody battle.

His body was still that of a boy, but his innocence had been taken away from him. Never again would he laugh with his friends. Never again kick a ball just for the sheer joy of being young. It was his fate; his fate to live while others died. The war outside was over, he was alive, but not unhurt. A war still raged within him. For the rest of his life this scene would never leave him, it would haunt his dreams. The war itself was over but its effects would last forever.


My Dark Haired Adonis

My dark haired Adonis; I watch him as I sit at my desk. I know I’m supposed to be paying attention to the lecture but he is in my line of vision and he’s all I can think about. He stretches his arms and shifts a little in his seat, completely oblivious to my eyes on him from three rows behind.

He rakes his hand through his dark hair as I watch, leans a little to his left and props his head up with his hand. The minutes tick past and I watch as he idly twirls a pen between his fingers. I wonder what he is thinking about. Perhaps his thoughts are of a girl? I can’t even possibly hope that he is thinking of me.

The lecture ends and we all amble out the door. I lose sight of him in the throng of people outside the lecture theatre. I wander aimlessly, wondering how to occupy my time until my next class. I know I should study but the only thing I want to think about is him, my dark haired Adonis. I don’t know what it is but there is something about him, something that makes me unable to get him off my mind.

The hallways are quiet, most people are at lunch or in class. I am deep in thought as I round the corner and do not notice the figure coming towards me. I look up just in time and my heart skips a beat when I realise it is him. He smiles at me, the sort of smile you give someone you recognise but either are not sure where from or you just don’t care enough about to grace with a spoken word. My brain locks up and he is gone before I have a chance to think properly. Did I smile at him? I think I did but cannot be sure. With my luck if I did smile it probably came out as more of a grimace than a smile.

My weekend passes slowly but finally Monday comes and it is time for class, one of the ones that he is in. I head towards the classroom, hoping I will see him today. He does not come very often anymore. I tear my mind away from the thought that perhaps he has a girlfriend that he is spending the time with. Three days a week I have classes with him and I always go hoping to see him. If he is there my attention is distracted by his presence, if he is not there my attention is distracted by his absence, wondering where he is. Either way I cannot win.

He does not come to class today so I sit in misery. I try to concentrate but it is in vain, my thoughts continue to be plagued by him. I console myself with the thought that tomorrow we have our compulsory class, the once-a-week class where I know I will see him.

I am right, and when tomorrow comes, he is already in the room when I arrive. I am early and there is no-one else in the room yet, just the two of us. Do I dare sit beside him? I gather all of the courage I possess and place my books on the desk beside his.

He flashes me a grin as I sit down. “Hi Tess. Do anything exciting over the weekend?”

His voice sends shivers down my spine and it takes a second before I become aware of his words. When I do I start a bit. He knows my name? I finally remember to answer him, hopefully before my silence becomes too obvious.

“Not really. You?” Not the most original, or even interesting, conversation but the best I could manage under the circumstances.

“No. I had a big assignment due yesterday so I had to spend the whole weekend on it. Pretty sad actually.” His smile is rueful as he tells me this.

I am spared from having to come up with a response by another person arriving. The new person takes his attention away from me and I regain the ability to breathe properly. The rest of the class passes uneventfully and I pack my things slowly at the end, hoping to leave at the same time as him. He is in my next class and I can’t help hoping we can walk there together. Or, if he is not going to class, maybe I can see where he goes instead. My plan is thwarted when he tells the tutor he needs to discuss something with her.

I leave and walk on my own towards the lecture theatre. As I wait for the elevator I see him, but he walks past, obviously he has decided not to attend the lecture today. I contemplate following him but decide against it, unable to bear the idea of him seeing me and realising I am following him.

I sit tiredly in my seat but feel quite proud of myself for coming even though I know he will not be here. The lecturer begins to talk and I take notes but am not really paying attention. I cannot stop thinking about our conversation earlier, if it even rates as a conversation. He knew my name. He actually knew my name! I calm myself down by telling myself that he probably just has a really good memory and remembers everyone’s name.

I hear the door open but for once I do not look up to see who is entering. As the person approaches the seat beside mine I glance up and to my surprise it is him. He takes the seat beside me and for a moment I cannot breathe. I turn to him and nod slightly in acknowledgement, he nods back and pulls out his books. For the rest of the class I am completely oblivious to anything but him, he smells wonderful and his scent invades my nose, making thinking far too difficult for me to bother with. Somehow I manage to continue taking notes, if only to make sure he is not aware of the distraction he is causing me.

The lecture ends and he rises from his seat. I stand too and put my books into my bag. I am determined to leave the class at the same time as him this time. But, instead of leaving he starts to talk to someone behind us. He sits on his desk with his feet on his chair, effectively blocking that exit. With a sinking heart I realise he is not planning on leaving yet and I cannot stay without looking suspicious. I turn to my right but find that the girls there are still sitting in their seats talking, they do not seem to have any intention of leaving just yet either.

I turn back towards him, I know I should just say excuse me and get him to move his legs so I can get past but my shyness overtakes me and I am unable to say anything. Instead I just stand there goofily, wondering how long the stupid girls on my right are going to continue talking. I wonder if he is aware of my predicament and wonder how he could possibly not be. But, if he is, why does he not move out of my way? Finally, after an eternity, the girls on my right pack up and leave. I am so relieved I scurry away without a backwards glance, cursing myself for not making conversation with him when I had such a good opportunity.

Two days pass by and I am running late for class. I glance at my watch just before I enter the room and notice with relief that I made good time across campus and the lecture won’t have started yet. I push open the door and glance up to find a seat. I find myself looking straight into his eyes, he is standing in the aisle and must have looked up to see who was coming in. Our eyes connect before he looks back to the person he was talking to. My shoulder brushes his slightly as I walk past to a seat.

I sit down and take out my books. He takes a seat as the lecturer clears her throat to begin. I smile in satisfaction as I notice that he is directly in my line of sight. I lean back in my chair silently and watch him; my dark haired Adonis.

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You never really leave my mind

Saturday, November 25, 2006
For lack of anything better to do this evening I've read a book, taken a nap, played some playstation and added some stuff to my Christmas wish list on Amazon.com. Anyone interested in buying me a Christmas present, feel free to order from there. :) But please remember, I'm useless at buying people presents so I don't actually expect them from other people either. Creating the list was really just an exercise in relieving some of my boredom and reminding myself of things I want to buy off there when I get around to it. I do love buying people stuff but I just suck at it, I find it really hard to come up with ideas and then get all in a dither about it. I love group presents because it takes all the pressure away.

I went shopping today and spent far too much money. (Clothes shopping, not Christmas shopping.) I was completely amazed and impressed by the shop assistant at Max. I'm not sure if she works on commission or not but I hope she does because she was FANTASTIC and I would like her to get a percentage from my purchases today. She spent ages with me, wandering around the shop, finding stuff I might like and bringing it to my changing room. I didn't even have to leave the changing room once I was ensconced in there, for over an hour she trotted back and forth bringing me stuff. It was great. One of the best shopping experiences I've ever had.

My mum was also great, standing outside my changing room and helping me decide whether everything looked good or not. Ha, and as I was paying the shop assistant said "your aunt is really nice to help you." I said that it was actually my mum and she refused to believe me at first because apparently she looks WAY too young to be my mum. Many people say this, although my mum doesn't believe me when I tell her that. It must be even worse for my brother who is 8 years older than me. If people can't believe she's old enough to be my mum then they must really struggle to believe she's Matt's mum. (Especially funny since she was 28 when I was born. She's in her 50's but would easily be placed at very early 40's by most people I think. I think this is a very good sign for me. It has the slight disadvantage now of people not believing I'm 24 but I'd rather people always think I'm younger than I am than always think I'm older than I am.)

I ordered The Hollow Men today because I'm now kinda dying to read it. I'm not actually a big fan of Nicky Hager but my interest has been peaked enough by everything I've read on the 'net and seen on TV to want to read it anyway.

In news that probably only Sam will be interested in, Australia are currently annihilating England in the Ashes. In Australia's first innings they got to 602/9d then bowled a very lacklustre England out for 157. For some reason Australia did not enforce the follow-on and are now building a MASSIVE lead. I guess not enforcing the follow-on is a good decision, it's only day 3 and will give them a brilliant chance for batting practice. I can't see them having too many problems bowling England out again in a day and a half or 2 days.

Usually I want any team that plays Australia to beat them. I LOVE to see Australia lose. However, my love of cricket as a game sometimes overtakes my desire to see Australia lose and I can't help but love watching Australia in full command of a game. They are an amazing team. Watching McGrath in full flight, taking wickets and bowling with a skill that only he seems to possess, watching Ponting and Gilchrist completely take it to the bowlers and smash the ball to the boundary repeatedly. There's not many better sights than that. (It should go without saying that all bets are off when New Zealand are playing Australia. I can NEVER enjoy Australia doing well if it is against us, no matter how beautiful the cricket is. It should also go without saying that a better sight than those mentioned above is when it is my boys doing well.)

I am disappointed in England. I had hoped they'd take it to the Aussies. England's performance in the Champions Trophy was abysmal but I held out hope that maybe they'd been too focussed on the longer form of the game and the Ashes. England is a team I quite like and it is disappointing that they seem to have lost all ability to play the game this year. Hopefully it is a short-term problem that restore itself before the end of the Ashes. (Maybe even before the end of this game.) I also hope that I don't live to regret that wish, I'll be gutted if they beat us in the World Cup.

I'm a weird cricket fan I think. I don't have a lot of friends who like cricket so I can't be completely sure but I don't think I'm quite usual. I'm such a purist that I'd prefer to watch a close game, a game of really good cricket, that we ultimately lose, than watch a bad game of cricket where we win. Yes, I'd rather watch a good game than a winning game. That's not to say I don't go into major sulking mode whenever we lose.

My damn alarm beeper thingy has broken off my keyring. This is causing me major hassles because it's now very easy to misplace. In fact, last weekend I couldn't drive my car at all because the beeper was lost so I couldn't unset the alarm. Worse though was the night it broke. Me and SpaceMonkey were out in Porirua watching a movie in the evening. Just after I locked the car I heard something fall to the ground but didn't see anything so decided it was my imagination. We went and enjoyed our movie then returned to the car about 10pm. (for those of you who don't know, Porirua ain't the safest place around.) Upon pulling out my keys I noticed the alarm beeper wasn't attached. I figured it had just fallen off in my bag so started digging around. No joy. A bit of panic set in then until SpaceMonkey remembered that I'd heard something drop. By some miracle the beeper was under my car. Thank God no-one had found it, taken it, run it over, used it to get into my car. Being stuck in Porirua is not something I even want to contemplate. However, I'm now terrified I'm going to lose the beeper when I'm somewhere equally unsafe, rendering me stranded.

I'm constantly made aware how important and wonderful family is and how lucky I am to have such a terrific family. I was brought up to believe that there is nothing more important than family. My dad's side of the family is very close and would do anything for each other. I really do mean anything too. I can't think of a single request that would be denied.

I feel really sad for people who don't get on with their family. I can't understand how some parents can disown their children. I don't think there is anything I could do that would make my parents disown me. Even if I was a serial-killer. They'd be upset and disappointed for sure (heh now there's an understatement) but they would never stop loving me. My mum really wants either me or my brother to get married because she is convinced she'd be a great mother-in-law. She will be too. Even if she hated our partners they'd never know it. She wouldn't have the ability to treat someone me or Matt loved, badly. My dad is the same.

Holy crap. I have well and truly written enough for tonight I think. Why can't I put this kind of focus onto my script-writing and my novel? Honestly, if I wrote those as diligently as I seem to write in here they'd be finished before the end of the year! Heh my ability to write so many words of total crap scares me sometimes. I'm sure it also scares those of you I subject to equally long, pointless emails! :)

Time to do the dishes and then I guess go to sleep or something.

Check you later.

Get a haircut

Tuesday, November 21, 2006
And get a real job


It is not unusual for people to think my job is not a 'real job'. I'm not sure why it is but I guess there are a lot of places that just have the connotation of being a student job. Any fast food chain, cinema, supermarket. They are places students get jobs so, even though I'm the boss and a student COULDN'T do my job, people consider my job a student job as well.

It kinda hurts that people think that way. Without doubt my job isn't the hardest job around but it also isn't the easiest. And I do work hard so for people to call it not a real job really bugs me. Whenever I run into people I went to school with and what we are doing now gets discussed I see the look on their faces. The look that implies I'm yet to make something of myself. Amusingly, I probably earn a more than a lot of the people who look at me that way.

In fact, only once in my memory has someone actually had a favourable reaction when I told them what I do. And who knows, maybe he was faking it.

I hope when it's time for me to move on future employers don't consider this 'not a real job'. That would really fuck me off. It'd also leave me screwed, with no good job prospects.

I clicked on the wrong file earlier and opened an old notepad document. I make a lot of random notes on notepad, label them with stupid filenames and forget about them. They languish on my harddrive until for some reason I open them and, generally, delete them.

The one I opened today was simply entitled 'hmmm'. (See what I mean about stupid filenames?) All it said inside was "Kevin is too cute for words." But this simple sentence sent me into a frenzy of confusion. Who is Kevin? If he is so cute why have I now forgotten who he is completely? Why did I feel his cuteness was important enough to be noted down - did I know that otherwise I might forget?

I really want the who is Kevin question to be answered. I don't know ANY Kevin's. The only one I can think of is K-Fed and it sure as shit ain't him I was referring to. So who on earth was it?

If anyone knows any cute Kevin's let me know and I'll check them out and see if they are my Kevin. Thanks. :)

In the darkness you will find

Dirty little secrets we all hide

The book, The Hollow Men, was supposed to have been released today. For those of you who don't know, The Hollow Men is a book which contains a lot of information leaked from emails sent by Don Brash about the National Party.

Personally, I was interested in reading the book. Probably not interested enough to buy it, but certainly interested enough to borrow it from the library. Or to buy for my dad for Christmas and read before I gave it to him. (Heh I never do that, honest!)

However, Don Brash obtained a court injunction last week which has forbidden the release of the 'stolen' emails. This means that the release of the book has been delayed. Certainly not stopped forever, but stopped for a little while.

I think this was a dumb move on Brash's part. Let's face it, there hadn't been a lot of publicity for the book. I had only heard about it because I'm a geek who likes to keep up with the news. Now, though, suddenly a lot more people will be hearing about it. The fact that its release has been delayed has made headlines and has guaranteed that people who would otherwise not heard about the book now have.

Political news doesn't generally stay in the media in New Zealand very long. The book would probably have been discussed on Campbell Live and Close-up today and that would have been it. Overall I doubt it would have done much damage to National.

Now though? Now I want to know what's in it. Now I'm far more likely to go out of my way to read it. And I'm betting I'm not the only one who feels this way. Not only that, but if it's going to be released anyway (which it will, the court injunction can't last forever) wouldn't it be best for Don Brash and National to have it released as far away from the election as possible? ie now? The longer the release is held back the closer to the election it will get and the more people will hear about the book and become interested in its contents.

I can't help thinking that for National this should be one of those times when letting it release and then focussing their efforts on damage control would be the more sensible course of action.

The other thing I think about is that I'm not the smartest person alive. Either I've got it all wrong and holding back the release is far more sensible or I've got it right. But if I've got it right then why haven't National thought of this themselves? Is it possible that the stuff in that book could be so damaging that the idea of letting it release and then fixing the mess is too much? Because, if that's the case, I just want to read it even more!

I want meat!!

Monday, November 20, 2006
Okay this is not good. It's been one day of this fruit and vegetables only thing and I'm already DYING for meat. Hell, it hasn't even been a whole day - I've still got dinner to get through. I think my main problem is going to be making sure I actually do eat. The idea of fruit doesn't excite me so it's tempting to just not bother with eating. However, that will do the opposite of what I intend. I'm supposed to be healthy for 3 weeks not stop eating and screw my poor body up further!

I hope I don't end up hating fruit by the end of it. The one amusing thing that has happened is that I'm currently obsessed with food. I've always been pretty take it or leave it with food. I enjoy my meals but, particularly in summer, don't notice if I miss a meal for some reason. Right now though? All I can think of is all the things I want to be eating and none of them are fruit or vegetables. Heh it's going to be a long 3 weeks that's for sure.

There was a bomb scare in Wellington this afternoon. It was pretty exciting as I walked to the train, a whole street was blocked off. Actually, it wasn't that exciting but oh well. It sure was more exciting than much else that happened to me today.

Something amusing did happen to me though. I was walking down the street and I ran into a girl I went to high school with and her boyfriend. She noticed me first and stopped to say hi. The funny thing about running into people from high school is we're always extra friendly even when, like with this girl, we weren't friends and I couldn't have cared less about her then and still don't.

So anyway me and girl from high school (to now be abbreviated to GFHS) said enthusiastic hi's to each other then prepared to continue on our way. However just before I did I looked at her boyfriend and realised it was a guy I went out with in high school. I wasn't sure if he recognised me because he hadn't said anything but I ventured a 'Hi Steven' anyway.

A brief flash of something that can only be described as horror flashed across his face before vanishing and he smiled at me 'Hey Holly.' I briefly wondered why he'd looked so horrified, considering the reason for our break up we'd actually parted on fairly good terms. I didn't have to wait long to find out the reason for his horror though.

"You two know each other?" GFHS asked. There was an accusing note in her voice but I didn't really take notice of it at the time because, what would I have to be accused of?

"Yeah. We dated back in..." I trailed off as I saw Steven looking absolutely petrified and shaking his head wildly. How GFHS didn't notice his reaction I'll never know but she was totally focused on me.

"Back in what?" The accusation was definitely there now. What the hell was going on?

Steven saved me from trying to figure out whether I should finish my sentence or just run away, by answering for me. "In 5th form." He said.

The look on her face. God, you'd think he'd just said we were having an affair.

"You didn't tell me you went out with her!" Was pretty much shouted at poor Steven.

"I didn't know you knew her." Came the defensive reply.

"How? You know what school I went to and I'm sure you knew what school she went to if you dated her at school."

I was trying to figure out how to get away without turning their attention back to me. Yet at the same time I was strangely fascinated by their conversation. Was she just pure crazy or was I missing something?

"I guess I just didn't think about it. We only went out for about a week, it didn't seem important." At this I received a sharp look from Steven, daring me to correct him and say it was actually 3 months and we'd been friends for 6 months before that. I'd learned my lesson though and kept my mouth shut.

"How did you break up?" It was not said with genuine curiosity but just more accusations. It was like she was checking we had actually broken up and weren't still secretly seeing each other on the side.

Again a look of horror passed across poor Steven's face. This was clearly not a one-time crazy event with GFHS, his initial reaction to me proved that. But, for someone who probably has to put up with accusations on a daily basis he sure wasn't very good at hiding his reactions.

This time, though, I could understand the reason for his horror. You see, we broke up because he was in love with my best friend. The moment she broke up with her boyfriend he broke up with me and asked her out. (She said no because, unlike some friends of mine, she was a GOOD friend.)

I could see why Steven didn't want to impart this information. If his crazy girlfriend was angry at him for dating people in high school then she definitely wasn't going to like that he dated someone in high school while secretly lusting after their best friend. No, he was never going to come off like the good guy in that story.

"Holly cheated on me." He said. What? Okay, couldn't he have come up with something better than that? No? Okay. Fine.

However, this didn't reduce GFHS's ire. Actually, I think it increased it.

"She broke your heart? Do you wish you were still together?" GFHS asked, really just getting crazier. We didn't date at the end of high school, it was when we were 15. I somehow don't think he would have been pining after me for ten years even if the story was true and I had broken his heart.

I'd grown tired of the crazy by now and decided to make my excuses and leave. Politeness reigned and I said that it was great to see them again which is a total lie - it was amusing as hell but I could live without ever running into them again. I bet they're still arguing now.

I wonder though, why does he stay? Why would you put up with a relationship like that? It can't be a good one. Heh maybe he's in love with her best friend.

Oh, and good news, he was much better looking when we were 15. Time has not been good to him. :)

When you look with your eyes everything seem nice

Sunday, November 19, 2006
But if you look twice you can see it's all lies


I just saw online that Lily Allen flashed her boob at a photographer. An odd thing to do, but whatever. Not as bad as Lindsay Lohan who (inadvertently I hope) flashed a little more than that to the cameras. Not what I wanted to see but there you go, that's what you get reading celebrity gossip sites.

I got a text from a friend today asking me what I would do if I had only 6 months to live. There are a few things I'd definitely do, things I probably wouldn't do without the threat of being dead in 6 months hanging over me. Dumb really, for all I know I could be dead in 6 months and it's stupid that I won't do some of the things I'm dying (heh) to do. But that's the way it is isn't it? Just because you want to do something doesn't mean you CAN. If I knew I wasn't going to be around in 6 months to face the consequences of my actions it'd be a different story.

I also received one of those email quiz things and don't really want to email it to everyone but thought I'd fill it in on here instead.

Name: Holly
How old will you be on your next birthday: 25
What are you wearing right now: Nike shorts and a Superman t-shirt
What is your current problem: Only one? Boys.
What makes you the most happy: Being with my friends
What song are you currently listening to: Shipping up to Boston - Dropkick Murphys
Has anyone close to you ever passed away: Yes.
Do you ever watch music television: Am OBSESSED with it. Spend many an evening channel surfing between Juice, J2 and C4
Are your parents married/separated/divorced: None of the above. They are together but not married.
Do you have any siblings: 1 older brother, Matthew
What was the last movie you saw: Borat
Who was the last person to text you: SpaceMonkey (surprise, surprise)
Who was the last person who hugged you: It's been too long to remember. The boy I guess. :(
Are you in love at the moment: Nope, but give it time.
Who (non-celebrity) would you want to be stuck on a desert island with: Not telling (it said dessert island but I fixed it. However, I would LOVE to be stuck on a dessert island!)
Favourite icecream: It's a toss-up between cookies and cream or orange choc chip
Favourite pizza: meatlovers is the only pizza right?
Are you angry with anyone right now: Yes. Very angry. I want to hit him.
What do you wear to bed: Depends. Sometimes pj bottoms and a movie t-shirt. Other times boxer shorts and a movie t-shirt
Longest relationship: 3 years
Shortest relationship: 3 hours
Top or bottom: huh? I'm guessing this relates to sex. Either that or I'm missing something huge. Depends, both have their advantages. I wouldn't want to just stick to one.
How many people of the opposite sex have you had sex with: not telling. More than zero, less than double figures.
Ever had a one-night stand: Yes
Ever had a fuck-buddy: Yes (although I regret it now since it just got me hurt)
Do you smoke: No
How much do you drink: I don't really.
Ever done drugs: No

Alrighty that's it. Pretty lame for the most part but I was bored so figured I may as well fill it in. You never know, some of you may have learnt some new stuff about me. Probably not though, there wasn't really anything exciting in there that I don't share on a regular basis anyway. Lets face it, I tell people way too much about my personal life.

Guess I better go do the stupid dishes.

Will it be the same

Friday, November 17, 2006
If I saw you in Heaven?

I saw on the news yesterday that two people were killed in a glider crash. Glider crashes are very, very rare. Their engines are only used for take off so there isn't a lot than can go wrong, especially for experienced pilots. The two people that just died were both very experienced. A 67 year old man and his 30 year old son.

This made me particularly sad as my friend died in a glider crash 8 years and 50 weeks ago. I can't actually believe it was so long ago. I still remember the phone call. I was watching cricket on TV and didn't believe that it was true. I'd heard about the crash previously but names hadn't been released then. For some reason that I don't understand I'd taken specific notice of the news item. That phone call was one of the worst moments of my life.

It's funny because it's been such a long time but I still think about her often. Whenever I have a big moment I wonder how Catherine would have enjoyed that moment. The last day of school, first day of uni, graduation, beginning full-time work. I wonder what she would have been doing now. Something to do with politics I imagine. She would have been so good at it too. I know I don't know her as older than a 16 year old but I can see her as Prime Minister. This is probably a rose-tinted memory of her but that's how I feel.

I miss you Catherine. Thanks for all the good times.


I'm looking at you through the glass

Don't know how much time has passed.
Oh God, it feels like forever.

I know that feeling, that's for sure.

Sione’s Wedding beat out Borat in their opening weekend in Hawaii. Go New Zealand film!! As far as I know the release in Hawaii is the beginning of Sione’s Wedding’s American release. I will be very interested to see how it is received by American audiences. I can’t imagine that a lot of the humour will be understood. Let’s face it, American’s just don’t understand the rest of the world. Sometimes they don’t even seem to think there IS a rest of the world.


I have a friend who is, possibly, the perfect guy. He’s good looking, has a lovely personality, likes everyone, makes A LOT of money, has a wide variety of interests. The strange thing is that he’s in his thirties and is still single. I can’t understand this. He is the type of guy that is usually ridiculously happily married with everyone saying to his wife “your husband is EXACTLY the type of guy I want to marry. You are so lucky.”


I can’t understand it. He should not be single. I also can’t understand why I have no interest in him and never have. My mum thought there was something going on between us for ages because we spent so much time together. But, there never has been anything other than friendship there and I’ve never wanted there to be. (Lucky really as, lets face it, he’s FAR too good for me anyway and if I liked him it would have been very one-sided.)


Me and SpaceMonkey are going to start on a detox program on Monday. We decided to give it a go for a couple of reasons, one because we thought it might be a challenge. Also because we both eat and drink a lot of crap and it’d be good to get rid of it from our systems. Basically it means only drinking water and eating fruit, vegetables, nuts and stuff. I think we are allowed fish and skinless, boiled, chicken as well. It should be interesting. I doubt it’ll last long. Although, I did manage to not drink soft-drinks for a full ten weeks and SpaceMonkey is currently at week 8 of her 10 week ban from V so we must both have a bit of willpower.


The differences between my two complexes never cease to amaze me. At the one place my staff are AMAZING. They are onto it, do whatever I tell them without question, follow my instructions to the letter, show initiative and often improve upon my suggestions, have excellent customer service. They are a joy to work with and I trust them all completely.


At the other place they are the complete opposite. They are all lazy, have to be told a million times to do the most simple of tasks, avoid work like the plague, seem to think customers are a hindrance. I hate them and going to work there never fails to put me in a bad mood and sometimes really, really upsets me. I’m pretty sure they are not aware that I hate them, I’m very good at faking it. (Just ask my ex-boyfriend ;) Oh! Burn! Heh)


I implemented a system at both (well implemented at one, am still trying at the other) where my supervisors write up what they have done everyday. This works well because then the other supervisors can see what has been done and deduce from that what still needs to be done. My good staff at the one place have taken to this idea whole-heartedly. They have competitions with each other to see who can write up the most. Often this ends up in silliness with entries such as “served 6 customers, took a break, served another 6 customers” as they try and make their entries longer. That doesn’t matter though because the fact is, the system is working and they are all doing heaps of work in order to have heaps to write about.


The other location though? No amount of reminding them to do it, telling them off for not doing it seems to make a difference. They just aren’t. I’m at a total loss as to how to deal with them. If my supervisors aren’t performing it’s no fucking wonder the rest of the staff aren’t. I’ve dished out so many warnings at that place it isn’t even funny. I’ve tried everything I can think of and nothing seems to make a difference. My parents think it’s running away but, honestly, my main source of excitement about moving up to Auckland is getting out of this situation. I’ll miss my good staff though, I’ll miss them a whole lot.

Sorry for the disjointed post. I had a lot of different subjects to write about since it's been a couple of days. :)

We coulda been a world

Tuesday, November 14, 2006
We could have been one.

I bought a couple of new CDs on my lunch break, the new Feelers album and My Chemical Romance. Apparently liking My Chemical Romance makes me emo or some shit. Despite the fact that the My Chemical Romance guys have said they are NOT emo and has anyone ever known me to NOT like music? It's not like I have exclusive taste.

Luckily though, me and my friends are geeks and a conversation we had last week has saved me from the 'emo' label. (aside from the obvious fact that I'm not emo anyway. This was all just a lame attempt to lead into my story nicely.)

Somehow our conversation got onto the whole being emo thing and SpaceMonkey was telling us how dumb it was because it's just normal teen angst stuff that everyone goes through but with a label. She also said there is now a whole type of music which is labeled emo. (Only by those who consider themselves emo).

This lead on to the four of us deciding we should create a label for ourselves and have music that is ours etc. So, ours became an intellectual label, we would sit around and discuss intelligent things such as politics and the state of the world. (Sounds lame I know, but it actually is what we do!) We came up with the name 'Intellis' or something like that, I can't remember.

Conversation moved on and we were talking about how dumb Don Brash is. SpaceMonkey (I think) asked which was left-wing in America, the Democrats or the Republicans. I said the Democrats and she cleverly came up with changing our newly formed name to the Demos. (Please tell me everyone gets that, because if you don't I'm concerned.)

Now we go around saying things to each other like "that is so demo". We really, truly are geeks. I can see that now. By the way, in case you are wondering, demo music is absolutely anything. Demos don't have to be tied down to one type of music.

Lookit! It's new!

Monday, November 13, 2006
So I decided to update my template since it's boringness was annoying me. I'm not so sure about this one though, don't be surprised if I change it all again.

BUT I do have a photo of myself somewhere at home of me riding the bike past the moon with ET in the basket. Yes, that's right, I took ET home! Got it when I was at Universal Studios when I was about 7. Very, very cool.

Just because I'm sure you are all dying for a real post I will comply. (After all it's been positively HOURS since I last posted. Heh)

Earlier I posted that I'm unfunny. I've since been told by two people that I am very funny. (Thanks Filmgeek and Sam, you guys are my favourites!) I also realised, on my way to the train this afternoon, that someone else thinks I am hilarious. Unfortunately, that someone is me.

You see, I have a tendency to laugh at my own thoughts. This is fine when I'm alone somewhere, like in my office or in my bedroom. (still semi-embarrassing yeah, but ultimately fine.) It's not fine when I'm walking down the street. People must actually think I am insane. I'll be wandering down the street, listening to my iPod and suddenly have a little chuckle at a witty joke I've just told myself. Dear lord it must look odd. I think I'm going to have to start only thinking sad thoughts when I am in public.

You know what? Nothing has happened to me this afternoon so I have nothing to say. Yet still, I manage to write a lot about nothing. It's almost scary.

Well, I did get kicked in the kidneys 6 times. That was not a good thing. Actually, it bloody hurt and I'm sure did nothing to help the damn things get better.

Oh! And I walked into projection to say goodbye to the projectionist as I was leaving to find him singing a happy little song to himself. I'm not 100% sure what the words were because he was singing it very quietly. But it was something about lacing a film. SO funny!

Sneaking up on people is something I seem to be pretty good at. Apparently I'm very quiet so often take people by surprise. (Until I start talking, then I'm the opposite of quiet. I think this blog is a testament to that.) I've walked in on projectionists dancing quite a few times. (Right Filmgeek? :) )

The BEST time? It was a few years ago now. I wandered on up to projection. Filmgeek was there getting her groove on to Lady Marmalade. And I mean getting her groove on. It was awesome. I started to sit down to watch but unfortunately that alerted her to my presence and the show was over. It was completed for me sometime later. (Was it at my birthday you karaoke-d it? Or just a random night out? I can't remember. Not my 21st. Maybe my 22nd? I'm pretty sure it was my birthday)

I've also walked in on SpaceMonkey singing and dancing away. Nothing as funny as the Lady Marmalade time though. That one goes down in history. One day I will post about all the funny stuff that has gone on at work. Now that I'm the boss I have to be the responsible one but, man, we used to have some fun times. I was the SLACKEST supervisor ever, but still heaps of work always got done on my shifts.

Oh, like the time me and Filmgeek had about an hour to fill in while we waited for the last film to come out so we walked up the stairs from the fire exit as slow as we could. It took us ages, I can't remember how long. Like 20 minutes or something dumb? (This is a flight of stairs that would usually take about a minute to climb)

Or the time one of our projectionists (an older guy from Romania - very weird guy) made an inappropriate comment to one of my 16 year-old cinema attendants. The main players here are Radu, the Romanian guy and Jack, the CA.

Jack: I'm tired.
Radu: You can go home to sleep when you finish?
Jack: Yeah
Radu: You are lucky. I wish I could go home and sleep.
Jack: Why can't you?
Radu: I have to go home and make love to my wife.

I don't think that has anywhere near the effect on paper but it was very funny. He sounded so upset that he had to go home and have sex rather than go to sleep.

Speaking of sleep, that is what I should be doing right now so I might go and do just that.

Here we go again

Bored yet?

It's a supremely slow day work-wise so once again I'm going to bother my loyal readers. (do I actually have any loyal readers? I'm not so sure)

Often the fact that I am so nice (ha that sounds up-myself. But, by nice, I actually mean tend to let people walk all over me so I don't mean it as a compliment but a criticism of myself) gets me into trouble. (Does anyone even understand that sentence since I confusingly broke it up with a very long sentence in brackets?)

Sometimes, though, being very nice gets me out of situations other people would get into trouble for. I stuffed something very big up at work yesterday. (Quite an achievement since I was only there for an hour). I arrived at work this morning to find an email waiting for me demanding an explanation. I apologised profusely and gave my somewhat garbled explanation which really just showed that I was an idiot who didn't listen to instructions. The response? "Well that's okay. It doesn't seem like it was really your fault. Don't worry about it." Um. What? It was TOTALLY my fault. Not that I'm complaining about not getting reamed about it.

I was reading on this site I've recommended before and one of the points reminded me of one of my friends.

I have this friend who, for no reason that I can understand, wants everything that is happening in a movie to be explained to her, and I do mean everthing. If I've seen the movie (and sometimes even if I haven't) she'll start off with "who's that?". I'll say it's so and so. Next thing she asks is "Is he going to end up with her?" Well now, it's a romantic comedy so I'd imagine so and if you JUST WATCHED IT you'd find out anyway. It drives me CRAZY. What is the point of watching a film if you want the entire thing dictated to you? You may as well just look at the cover of the DVD and have me explain the plot-line. It'd save us all time.

Oh, and when we're watching a film I haven't seen and she has? You guessed it. I get the entire thing dictated to me. Even when I say I haven't seen it and don't want the ending spoiled she'll still tell me what's going to happen. Arghh!

Another thing that drives me crazy, since we're on the topic, is when someone talks during sex. I don't mean dirty-talk, that's expected. No, I mean a full-on conversation. Now, I would have thought this was an annoying female habit but apparently it's something my ex-boyfriend suffered from as well. So, either he was a female with no breasts and a HUGE clitoris or some guys do this too. (I'm hoping it's the latter).

He would talk about ANYTHING and everything. Come to think of it, maybe it was his way of holding out longer, distracting himself sort of. Either that or the sex was really boring. I don't imagine it was that because he wanted it often enough. (heh, too much information?)

I remember one time he suddenly says "Did you see the cricket?" What the fuck? Why was he thinking about cricket? I mean, it's quite possible I was thinking about cricket myself but for me that's not strange. I could probably get myself off on thoughts of cricket alone. (Ok, this is clearly becoming too much information so I suggest some of you stop reading right now).

Another time. And this one actually put me off enough that I had to stop. He says "I think I should meet your parents. Why don't we invite them out for dinner tomorrow night." Ummmmm. Thinking about my parents? In the middle of sex? NO!

I also had "I think I've figured out how to get past that mission in The Godfather", "Should we see a movie tonight", "I think I'm going to buy new rims for my car", "I think my car needs a warrant I can't remember when it's due" and "Who do YOU think would win out of Superman and Batman?" Well, clearly the answer is Superman, but that's neither here nor there.

It seems like a bit much to me. Maybe he really did find sex boring. He wasn't generally the most whimsical of people but during sex he did come across that way. Hmmm I think I've just painted myself in a very bad light here.

Oh well. What good is this blog if not to use it to randomly humiliate myself and those I love? I would like to say this blog is here to amuse people. Unfortunately I'm painfully aware that I'm not funny. (Most painfully aware when I'm script writing and realise it's completely boring and without humour.) So, here to document my day and humiliate myself is probably far more accurate than amusing people. One day though, someone will laugh at something I say. (Something I intend as a joke rather than when I'm being serious. Laughing at me when i'm trying to be serious is a far too often occurrence.) My, that will be a good day indeed.

Let's start a rumour

That we're married and heading for Rome

Okay I'm a bit happier now. Some more bad stuff has happened at work but some good stuff also happened so I'm feeling much more on an even keel.

I'm starting the build-up to Christmas now. This week is still pretty quiet but I know from experience it's all going to explode very suddenly. I would imagine from next week I'll be back to 70-hour work weeks. From what I've been told this morning that's nothing compared with what I'm going to be facing in Auckland next year. I had a chat with the new manager and he was telling me that the last time he opened a cinema he didn't have a day off for 63 days. He also said the only reason he had the 64th day off was because it was his birthday. This idea should scare me but it doesn't. I love being busy at work, this last month with not a lot to do has bored the crap out of me.

I made myself a list of stuff that needs to be done before I head off to my family reunion at Christmas. It's very long and very boring-looking.

Enough with the boring stuff that no-one cares about. What exciting things can I tell you? I might be going to Australia (a THIRD trip!) early December to look around cinemas there. My boss has promised to call me sometime today to discuss it but, knowing him, that probably means late this week. Should be good if I get to go. I love flying.

I found a weta beside my car when I was washing it yesterday. I did not like that at all. Anyone who has been near me when a spider or similarly scary bug is in sight knows exactly how well I react.

Usually I will jump up and down a bit saying 'Is it on me? I can feel it! Get it off me!" This is despite the fact that it is in plan view on the wall/ground/roof in front of me and is clearly NOT on me. I can't help it though, once I can see it I feel like I can feel it crawling all over me.

I remember one horrible day when I was about 9. I was putting on my gumboots and felt a stone in one of them. I considered ignoring it because my gumboots were slightly small and hard to get on and off but it was uncomfortable so I decided to get rid of it. Sitting back down and pulling off my gumboot I was sickened to find that it was a HUGE bush spider not a stone. It makes me sick just thinking about it.

Another day I was blissfully unaware of the horror that was about to befall me while I was at uni. My dad had been going into town early that morning so had given my a ride rather than my usual train journey. I was sitting on one of the seats in Cotton just reading Salient and waiting for my class to start. I decided I wanted some junk food from the vending machine so opened the front pocket of my bag to get out my wallet (which I hadn't yet had to use since I didn't catch the train). Out crawls a HUGE bush spider. I freaked out and jumped up. I was completely at a loss as to what to do and was seriously considering abandoning my bag, wallet, cellphone, books, everything and just running away. There was hardly anyone around so I waited, hoping someone brave would come along and I could beg them to save me. Meanwhile the spider was enjoying its freedom and had crawled out of my bag and was making it's way onto the chair. As soon as it was on the chair I grabbed my bag and ran. Believe me, it took a lot of effort to hold onto my bag even though I knew the spider was gone!

I shudder to think how I would have reacted had it happened on the very packed morning train. The one thing I am thankful for is that it happened in a nice, quiet place where no-one noticed my panic.

One final spider story. One day I was at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to get ready so we could go out somewhere. It was a slightly rainy day so I had my jacket with me (one of those fairydown jackets you pull over your head, no zips or anything). We were about to step outside so I pulled my jacket on. Next thing I know a HUGE bush spider is crawling out by my coller. Holy crap I freaked out so bad! I actually vomited because it had been on my face!

I'm very glad I no longer live on my parents farm. Far too many HUGE bush spiders for my liking!

Oh, that wasn't my final spider story! I just remembered something funny that used to happen to me a lot at high school but doesn't happen very often anymore. I used to have a recurring nightmare about a spider. I would dream that I was lying in bed trying to get to sleep when a spider would drop down off the roof and onto me. I would panic and scream 'fuck' very loudly. The funny thing is that I would actually scream out loud, leap out of bed and to the lightswitch. Being out of bed would wake me up properly. For a while I was having this dream everynight. Our computer was in my bedroom so often my mum would be in there working while I was sleeping. She was always very amused to hear the word fuck screamed loudly by her angelic, sleeping daughter!

Oh dear, I really don't like spiders. I better make damn sure I marry someone who is not scared of them or there's really going to be trouble.

Fuck it all

Yeah, you heard me.

I set off for work in a decent mood, ready to regale you all with fantastic tales of what I did on Sunday. (after I completed a bit of work of course.)

But you know what? I can't be fucked. Things started going wrong from ten minutes before I even set foot in this place and I honestly don't know why I bother.

Very tempted to break something. Cellphone and laptop are top of my list since I'm sure they would smash in satisfying ways. Damn being so sensible that I know I'd regret it as soon as I feel better.

This is the problem with the fact I don't get grumpy very often. When I do snap I get disastrously grumpy.

Fuck.

Oh no, no, NO!!

Saturday, November 11, 2006
I think my iPod is about to die. I can't even cope with the idea at the moment.

It keeps skipping songs. As in, the song will start then it'll suddenly skip to the last 5 seconds so the whole middle is missing. I've reset it but it's still happening. This is not a good sign.

How will I cope without my iPod? I use it pretty much ALL the time. On my walk to and from work, whenever I walk anywhere actually, when I'm bike riding, when I'm in my car (connected to the iTrip obviously, not with headphones), when I'm on the bus, when I want to be surrounded by music but it's too late at night to turn my stereo up loud enough.

Sam!! This is your fault - I think my iPod is dying in sympathy to yours...

So sad right now and desperately hoping it's just being silly and is going to be fine.

People should really visit here 3 or 4 times a day

Because I post so bloody often when I'm bored.




I'm posting now because I just found this leaflet that the Young Nationals (of which, if you read 2 or 3 posts back, you'll know my ex-boyfriend from when I was 14 is one) were distributing at Vic. Honestly, do they think university students, who tend to be intelligent people, are going to fall for this crap? Admittedly I guess some do but I would imagine the majority wouldn't.

Sun is in the sky oh why oh why

would I wanna be anywhere else

So, everyone knows I have a bit of a crush on Lily Allen right? Of course you do, I go on about her all the time. Ha, especially with regards to her LDN video where I just can't get my head around the idea that someone would stand her up. Just doesn't make sense to me, it wouldn't happen.

It ESPECIALLY wouldn't happen in this cellphone-age. I imagine that, like me, anyone who grew up before cellphones were common for teenagers has been stood up before. Not on purpose, just because the person couldn't turn up for some reason and couldn't get hold of you to let you know. I remember one sad day I got stood up by my boyfriend. I waited at the movie theatre for him for ages getting madder and madder. I used the payphone to call him at home but there was no answer. So I continued to boil with anger for a while before giving up and going home. Later that day I was humbled when he called me and I refused to talk to him - I was very mad. He finally got it through to me that he had gone into diabetic shock so had been in the hospital. Needless to say, I decided that was an acceptable excuse and forgave him.

Hmmm where was I before I randomly decided to share that little anecdote? Right, I remember, Lily Allen.

So I dropped by work this morning to try and help avert some disaster (didn't avert it and it basically ruined my weekend. But oh well, what can you do). I walked into the office afterwards and heard some of my workmates discussing actresses they would sleep with. They looked at me and said "Who would you sleep with?"

Instantly I replied with Lily Allen. Rather than the nods of approval I expected this just gained me strange looks and a reply from one of the guys of "are you a lesbian?". What? No!

I eventually realised my mistake was that they were discussing what celebrities they would sleep with whereas, because I walked in part way through, I thought it was actresses. So, they had expected my choice to be male but instead I chose a female. I tried to fix it by loudly stating I wanted to sleep with Hugh Laurie but it was to no avail. They are now convinced I like girls. Heh.

Moving on to the subject of my work disaster. I really HATE being ignored. Whether it's people not answering my text messages or emails (which really pisses me right off, odd considering I myself am pretty bad at replying unless I do it instantly.) or people at work ignoring my instructions. It all really gets to me. And this disaster came about because someone at work ignored my instructions THEN ignored my text messages as well. Arghh!

I have a, very good, friend who's one fault is that he is TERRIBLE at replying to text messages. It drives me absolutely crazy. It's not even like he can use the excuse that he didn't have the money - his work pays his cellphone bill! I'll text him asking him if he wants to meet for lunch the next day. I won't hear anything back so I'll assume he's busy. The next day he'll turn up at lunchtime and be confused when I'm not ready to go. This can't even be avoided by calling him because he never answers his bloody phone either. SO annoying.

SO funny

Friday, November 10, 2006
I just found the most hilarious site EVER!

Things my girlfriend and I have argued about

Be warned it's REALLY long. But well worth it if you have the time. I really don't think I've ever read anything quite so amusing.

The only problem I have with it is the writing sounds very much like a friend of mine. Now, I know it isn't him. But I can imagine it being him. So in my mind, as I read it, it's him I'm hearing saying it. Maybe that just makes it funnier for me.

Just a sulky post - you'd all be best to ignore it

I can't sleep which sucks. The pain medication has worn off, I'm not allowed to take any more and it HURTS.

I'm also wishing I wasn't alone. SpaceMonkey is at work and my flatmate is out drinking with friends. I really want someone to talk to right now, to keep my mind off the pain. The pain's really depressing me, I feel all tired and grumpy and like I wanna just have a sulk about everything that sucks right now. (And guess what - that's what I'm going to use this for!)

It's been kind of a bad week. Not for any particular reason, mainly because I've been feeling pretty crappy for most of it. I should have known a week of kidney pain wasn't good but it's happened before and nothing eventuated from it so I just thought it was the same. It's been stopping me sleeping so I've been spending my days grumpy. It's a busy time of year for most people I know so I haven't really had anyone to talk to about it. It's no-one's fault but mine. There are a couple of people who would have dropped everything and been over here to check on me in a flash if I'd asked. But, I hate to be a burden so didn't say anything as usual. Stupid I know, and I also know that by writing this I'm gonna get into trouble with at least 2 of those people, if not more.

But face it people, for someone with a BA in Psychology I am USELESS at asking for help. It's just not in my nature. I far prefer to go it alone. Just be thankful I don't then flip out and blame people for not being there when I needed them. At least I keep a level head most of the time. :)

Since this is a bit of a bitter, angry rant I'll take it a bit further. I saw idiot-who-thinks-he-will-one-day-run-the-country yesterday in the street. Man I dislike that dude. Seriously dislike him. Stupid red-haired fuck, who won't even admit he has red hair. Face it dude, your hair is red. You can call it strawberry blonde if you want but that just makes you sound gay.

Not only does he think he's destined to be Prime Minister even though the most exciting thing he's ever done in politics is VUWSA president but he got Civil Unioned a few months ago. Yes, a straight male got Civil Unioned. Why did he do it? To make a stand for gay couples. What the fuck Jeremy? No-one gives a toss that you had a civil union rather than a wedding. You could have had a bloody wedding. The fact that you chose to makes a difference to absolutely no-one.

Ha not only that, but he took his wife's last name! What self-respecting guy does that? Maybe it's very un-feminist of me (but hey, I've never claimed to be a feminist anyway) I just don't think a man should take his wife's name. It just doesn't sit well with me. She's far too good for him as well, even if she is American. (And i'm particularly bitter since he cheated on my friend with her.)

Okay rant over. Well rant about him over anyway.

No, I think rant over. I'm all out of stuff to say. I wonder if I'm allowed to take panadol? Probably not. Damn it.

After 5 minutes of surfing I had to come back and clarify some things I just wrote and also add a couple of things.

I apologise to the tosser I talked about earlier, he did not take his wife's name. I just checked on his blog and he, in fact, hyphenated their names. I don't actually think this is any better. I HATE hyphenated names. But I was wrong earlier and I just thought I should admit it.

I also want to say to him that if you are going to have blog that is aimed at being a political-commentary then do a better job. I could probably do a better job! Although, bugger it, I did find myself laughing a couple of times. Fuck.

The final thing I want to say is that I'm very embarrassed right now - I read on Jeremy-the-tosser's blog that my ex boyfriend (from when I was 14 so it hardly counts, but still) is the spokesperson for 'Keep it 18'. That's one of the groups trying to convince the government to keep the drinking age at 18. Well, it's either my ex or someone with the same name. I hope just someone with the same name. I doubt it though, it sounds exactly like Chris's style to do something like that. Why am I so embarrassed? Because he's a bloody national supporter. Actually, not only is he a national supporter but he's in the Young Nationals. Ick. What was I thinking? I'm glad I never gave in and 'sat on his lap down by the river' like he was always asking me to. Heh.

This could be nothing

but i'm willing to give it a try

I received a phone call from my boss today. He's flying all the managers up to Auckland for a Christmas party at the beginning of December. I'm getting flown up a day early to look around and discuss my new job. That's right - my new job. Apparently I held back my decision too long and it is assumed I'm going. Part of me is pretty happy the decision has been taken out of my hands, especially because I'm sure it is the decision I would have made anyway.

Something interesting/surprising/kinda annoying happened to me this morning. There is this guy. I started to like him A LOT when me and the boy were seeing other people. (Very complicated relationship we had - was sometimes exclusive, other times not). This guy though, Matt, had a girlfriend. When I found that out I backed off like a good girl, although we stayed friends.

Matt broke up with his girlfriend about 4 months ago. This morning he turned up and basically told me he wants to give us a try.

This is a problem for me for a couple of reasons. One because I'm going to be leaving to go up to Auckland and, well, he lives down here. Although I'm sure we could work around that. Another problem is he has the same name as my brother. Haha ok so that wouldn't stop me dating him, but it would be a little weird.

No, the big problem is that, while I still really like him and can see myself happy in a relationship with him, he's not the one I find myself thinking about constantly. But that person is essentially unattainable so I shouldn't even be considering him as a reason not to date Matt. Yet, this morning when Matt said such nice things to me my first thought was "If I say yes to Matt, I'm giving up the chance to be with..." Even though the chances of that are remote at best anyway. And, actually, it's something I shouldn't even be THINKING about.

It wouldn't be fair to Matt right now. I'm only friends with this other guy but Matt doesn't deserve to be with someone who's only half-committed to the relationship. If he was a less intense guy it would be easy. But I know him, and I know what he'd be expecting from the relationship. Unfortunately, at the moment that's more than I can give. I did actually tell him all of this (hopefully I was coherent - I'm not 100% sure). He agreed that he couldn't accept a casual relationship where we just waited to see where it went. He said it was all or nothing. I could've lied and said all but a relationship built on a lie is not a good idea so I went with nothing.

We said we'd discuss it again if we're both still single in a few months. I'm glad I made the sensible decision. Hope I still think it's sensible when I'm no longer hopped up on pain-killers.

Hmmm well I just realised the song lyrics I picked for the title of this post don't really fit. It's more like the total opposite. "This could be something but i'm not willing to give it a try". Heh well I don't know a song that has those lyrics so we'll just stick with James Morrison for now.

Just on the topic of this James Morrison song (which is 'You Give Me Something' for anyone who doesn't recognise it). Is it about him falling in love with someone and he can't believe it because he's never been in love before? Or, is it about him falling in love with someone who is already in a relationship?

I wonder because these two lines confuse me:

I never thought that I'd love someone
That was someone else's dream

I'm not sure whether he means he has fallen in love with someone who is someone else's dream or if he means he thought he was never going to fall in love.

Hmmm I just don't know. Ok, I'm going to sleep now. I'm feeling sorta woozy. (And I want to be feeling better by midnight so I can go and watch The Departed - woohoo!!)

There will be beauty from pain

Thursday, November 09, 2006
I really like that, with a bit of effort, I can find a song lyric to fit whatever I'm going to write about. It's neat.

It's time for my next leg wax tomorrow. So, that's going to hurt but at least I'll have lovely smooth legs. It's definitely worth the pain.

I got accused of being anorexic yesterday, by my flatmate. He said he hasn't seen me eat anything in almost two weeks. I laughed because I don't think I've missed even a single meal in that entire two weeks, we just haven't been home at the same time. I actually thought he was joking but apparently he wasn't. I'm used to weird accusations from him though, a couple of years back he had me on 'suicide watch'. Despite the fact that suicide is not something I could ever do and I wasn't even overly depressed. I think he just likes drama and wants to believe I'm even more messed up than I actually am.

It's nice that he worries so much though. Even if it is unfounded.

What am i supposed to do

Wednesday, November 08, 2006
When life gets boring?

I saw two of the most boring movies ever yesterday. One was Fast Food Nation. I found it bland an uninteresting. It had a huge cast but the story was disjointed and didn't get wrapped up properly. Basically, it felt like a waste of my time.

I then went and saw Jaan-E-Maan a TERRIBLE bollywood movie. I walked out after a 5 person band and about 15 dwarves emerged from a closet to sing a song.

Lame, lame night out.

I have some big decisions to make over the next couple of weeks. Huge decisions. Do I want to live in Auckland or not? I wouldn't have a clue. As a city I hate it. I won't know many people and I don't like the idea of leaving behind the people I love down here. It'll also mean going from a job where I'm, pretty much, my own boss to a job where I have a boss again. I like the freedom of my job. Hell, I love the freedom of my job and I'm not keen to lose it.

But, Auckland is the good career move and the sensible option.

I hate decisions like these. Hate when you are not going to know which was the best decision until it's already too late.

Ok, back to work for me.

Come join me in my wicked dream

Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Don't send me back to real life

I had the most retarded dream EVER last night. Where my subconscious dragged it from I'll never know.

I was in a big room with a whole lot of people I didn't know. We were all standing in lines and in front of each of us was a box with our name on it. They were apparently all presents from a mutual friend of ours (someone who actually is my friend). We all had to open our presents in turn so everyone could see what everyone else got.

The person on my left took his turn and his present was a barrel of goat drench and a drench gun. (For those of you who didn't grow up on a farm - basically worming medication for goats). He proceeded to put the drench gun in his mouth and start drinking which I thought was odd, but not as odd as I would have if it happened in real life. It was then my turn and I also got a barrel of goat drench.

The person on my right was apparently very jealous of my drench gun cos he only got a soft toy. So, he picked up my barrel of drench and tipped it out everywhere. Understandably I was very upset.

The phone then started to ring so I answered it and it was my friend. I said I liked the present very much but Joe was jealous so had tipped it out. My friend then said that was ok, he'd get me another one. He also said that it wasn't what he wanted to get me but he knew I'd love it so got it anyway.

Weird, weird dream. For the record, I have no desire to be given a barrel of goat drench!

What am I doing posting again?

Monday, November 06, 2006
You've gotta wonder. I should be working. And I am. I just type in here while I'm waiting for the damn computer to finish processing, it's bloody slow. Doing the roster would take about half the time if I had a decent computer, or if I could get this computer to work with the program. Alas, neither is going to happen.

Do you know who I hate? (Yes, yes I know hate is a strong word but I really do). I HATE John Key. Who the fuck is he anyway? I would actually prefer Don Brash to him and that's saying a lot because I've often said I'll be tempted to leave the country if Don Brash became Prime Minister.

But, apparently the most recent poll shows that those idiotic Nat supporters want Key in and Brash out. Man this country is going to suck after the next election unless there is some miracle and Labour gets in again.

This election's gonna be a dirty one too, the mud-slinging has already started and it's not until bloody 2008! On the weekend billboards were erected at Auckland and Christchurch airports. They have a picture of Helen Clark and the words "Paintergate, Corngate, Doonegate, Speedgate, Pledgegate, Departure gate." The tag line reads: "Proudly paid by supporters of the National Party with their own money"

Honestly, I could live without it all. How can people I know, people I actually consider friends vote for those National tossers? I worry, I really do.

In cricket news, Australia won the Champions Trophy for the first time. They absolutely caned the West Indies. Next up for the Kiwis is Sri Lanka coming here. It's actually a pretty lame home-season for us this year. But with the World Cup starting in March at least there is some fantastic cricket to look forward to then.

Well, my girl's in the next room

Sometimes I wish she was you

I really like this song, Lips of an Angel. I particularly like how people can be so dumb and this has become one of the most requested songs recently. Not requested because people like it but requested for their partners.

That's right, people are requesting a song about a guy who is in love with someone who is not his girlfriend. Obviously they have not listened to the words, cos if you don't it does actually sound like a very pretty song. I can see where the mistake is made. But guys, if you are going to request a song for your girlfriend make sure the lyrics actually say what you want to say! Cos guys, one of the lines is "Girl, you make it hard to be faithful."

Many years back Meatloaf's Two out of Three Ain't Bad was similarly requested. Ha, I know I'd be pretty devastated if someone requested that song for me! I want you, I need you but there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you? Ha, yeah I don't wanna hear that from my boyfriend!

Music is great for letting people know how you feel though. And having a nice song requested for you is good. I've had a song written about me before and it was released on CD! I still feel happy when I listen to it. Even though me and the guy never actually managed to get it together enough to be together (which is weird cos we both liked each other a lot), it's still a nice reminder that, once upon a time, I was loved.

I went out with a guy for a while who used to sing to me, lovely romantic songs. The problem was he could NOT sing. I would get so embarrassed for him and just want him to shut-up.

And another one gone, another one gone

Friday, November 03, 2006
Another one bites the dust

We lost the cricket. Yet another game against Australia that we were doing so well in and then completely lost it and fell apart. To give our boys some credit, they ended up doing FAR better than I thought they were going to when I went to bed. I left when the score was about 55/6 and we somehow got through to 204 all out. Way to go Daniel Vettori!

The cricket is too depressing for me at the moment so I'm not going to talk about it any more.

I went and watched A Good Year last night. It was really good! I had been expecting a drama but it was actually a comedy. There were some fantastic lines in their that had me snorting with laughter.

My favourites:

Ludivine Duflot: What's a sodomist?
Francis Duflot: I'll explain it to you tonight.

and

Max: Is it illegal in France to shag your cousin?
Charlie: It is if she's ugly


Overall I enjoyed the film. (Especially because I don't think it's come out in the States yet and I LOVE seeing movies before America.) However, something about the ending was given away in the trailer and that really annoyed me. It was a scene I remembered well from the trailer and spent the whole film waiting for it. It kind of spoilt a moment at the end which otherwise would have come as a bit of a surprise.

I don't have a lot else to say. The weather's getting nice as it gets close to summer. That's a good thing. My mood is getting worse as it gets close to December, that's not a good thing. I thought this year I would be fine. Hell if he was to come up to me today and tell me he wanted to try again I doubt I would even consider saying yes. Still, somehow as December draws nearer, I can't stop thinking about it, I'm getting upset and angry far more easily. Feelings suck!

I don't want to end this on a negative note, cos I'm really not that bad. Just a little less cheerful than normal. So, I will tell you a little story about how I got checked out.

I was standing talking to SpaceMonkey and she started to get this little smile on her face. You know, the type of smile you get when you have a secret that you're just bursting to tell the other person. I wasn't saying anything funny so I asked what she was grinning about. She pointed behind her at a (not bad looking) guy in a blue shirt and said "he just checked you out!"

Woohoo!! It's always nice. I know some girls get checked out so many times a day they hate it. But, I'm not one of them so I LOVE it. Talk about a way to make you feel good about yourself.

That's it for now.

Holly out.

19, you're only 19 for Gods sake!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006
I work with a lot of kids, well when I say kids I mean teenagers. However, some of these teenagers make me feel like I'm the one who is the kid. Other times I see that they are simply playing grown-ups and the benefit of being a little older shows me that they're making huge mistakes.

The main mistake I have seen be made recently is by a couple of nineteen year olds. (Hence the very fitting song lyric!) They have been dating for just over a year and they spend every moment together. I'm not exaggerating, I mean every moment. They both work here and work every shift together.

Anyway, they decided that they didn't want to live with the guy's grandmother anymore so they decided to find their own place. They had a lot of trouble finding someone that would rent to them so started looking at purchasing a house. (What the hell, people won't rent to them but they'll sell to them - crazy!)

They found a house they liked and put in an offer. They had no deposit but the banks are now being really sneaky (read: tricking people into getting a mortgage they can't afford) and offering 30 year mortgages with no deposit. So these two get themselves a mortgage. Now I know how much they earn since I'm their boss, it ain't pretty.

Today they come in and tell me they need some pay records for the last couple months because they are going to apply to Winz for an accommodation supplement because they are struggling with repayments. Um excuse me? How on earth do you get an accommodation supplement when you have a full-time job? I should get me one of those!

The idea that they stuck themselves with a mortgage always scared me. To me, 19 is just too young to be making that kind of commitment. Sheesh, I'm only just getting close myself and I've got almost 6 years on them.

Now, I have another couple who have been inspired by these two and are also thinking about buying a house together. The scary, scary part? The guy is 18 and the girl is only 17 and in her last year of high school. What the heck is going on? Why are these kids trying to grow up so fast? Stay at home where it's cheap/free kids! Stay at home as long as you possibly can!