This could be nothing
but i'm willing to give it a try
I received a phone call from my boss today. He's flying all the managers up to Auckland for a Christmas party at the beginning of December. I'm getting flown up a day early to look around and discuss my new job. That's right - my new job. Apparently I held back my decision too long and it is assumed I'm going. Part of me is pretty happy the decision has been taken out of my hands, especially because I'm sure it is the decision I would have made anyway.
Something interesting/surprising/kinda annoying happened to me this morning. There is this guy. I started to like him A LOT when me and the boy were seeing other people. (Very complicated relationship we had - was sometimes exclusive, other times not). This guy though, Matt, had a girlfriend. When I found that out I backed off like a good girl, although we stayed friends.
Matt broke up with his girlfriend about 4 months ago. This morning he turned up and basically told me he wants to give us a try.
This is a problem for me for a couple of reasons. One because I'm going to be leaving to go up to Auckland and, well, he lives down here. Although I'm sure we could work around that. Another problem is he has the same name as my brother. Haha ok so that wouldn't stop me dating him, but it would be a little weird.
No, the big problem is that, while I still really like him and can see myself happy in a relationship with him, he's not the one I find myself thinking about constantly. But that person is essentially unattainable so I shouldn't even be considering him as a reason not to date Matt. Yet, this morning when Matt said such nice things to me my first thought was "If I say yes to Matt, I'm giving up the chance to be with..." Even though the chances of that are remote at best anyway. And, actually, it's something I shouldn't even be THINKING about.
It wouldn't be fair to Matt right now. I'm only friends with this other guy but Matt doesn't deserve to be with someone who's only half-committed to the relationship. If he was a less intense guy it would be easy. But I know him, and I know what he'd be expecting from the relationship. Unfortunately, at the moment that's more than I can give. I did actually tell him all of this (hopefully I was coherent - I'm not 100% sure). He agreed that he couldn't accept a casual relationship where we just waited to see where it went. He said it was all or nothing. I could've lied and said all but a relationship built on a lie is not a good idea so I went with nothing.
We said we'd discuss it again if we're both still single in a few months. I'm glad I made the sensible decision. Hope I still think it's sensible when I'm no longer hopped up on pain-killers.
Hmmm well I just realised the song lyrics I picked for the title of this post don't really fit. It's more like the total opposite. "This could be something but i'm not willing to give it a try". Heh well I don't know a song that has those lyrics so we'll just stick with James Morrison for now.
Just on the topic of this James Morrison song (which is 'You Give Me Something' for anyone who doesn't recognise it). Is it about him falling in love with someone and he can't believe it because he's never been in love before? Or, is it about him falling in love with someone who is already in a relationship?
I wonder because these two lines confuse me:
I never thought that I'd love someone
That was someone else's dream
I'm not sure whether he means he has fallen in love with someone who is someone else's dream or if he means he thought he was never going to fall in love.
Hmmm I just don't know. Ok, I'm going to sleep now. I'm feeling sorta woozy. (And I want to be feeling better by midnight so I can go and watch The Departed - woohoo!!) share this: facebook
I received a phone call from my boss today. He's flying all the managers up to Auckland for a Christmas party at the beginning of December. I'm getting flown up a day early to look around and discuss my new job. That's right - my new job. Apparently I held back my decision too long and it is assumed I'm going. Part of me is pretty happy the decision has been taken out of my hands, especially because I'm sure it is the decision I would have made anyway.
Something interesting/surprising/kinda annoying happened to me this morning. There is this guy. I started to like him A LOT when me and the boy were seeing other people. (Very complicated relationship we had - was sometimes exclusive, other times not). This guy though, Matt, had a girlfriend. When I found that out I backed off like a good girl, although we stayed friends.
Matt broke up with his girlfriend about 4 months ago. This morning he turned up and basically told me he wants to give us a try.
This is a problem for me for a couple of reasons. One because I'm going to be leaving to go up to Auckland and, well, he lives down here. Although I'm sure we could work around that. Another problem is he has the same name as my brother. Haha ok so that wouldn't stop me dating him, but it would be a little weird.
No, the big problem is that, while I still really like him and can see myself happy in a relationship with him, he's not the one I find myself thinking about constantly. But that person is essentially unattainable so I shouldn't even be considering him as a reason not to date Matt. Yet, this morning when Matt said such nice things to me my first thought was "If I say yes to Matt, I'm giving up the chance to be with..." Even though the chances of that are remote at best anyway. And, actually, it's something I shouldn't even be THINKING about.
It wouldn't be fair to Matt right now. I'm only friends with this other guy but Matt doesn't deserve to be with someone who's only half-committed to the relationship. If he was a less intense guy it would be easy. But I know him, and I know what he'd be expecting from the relationship. Unfortunately, at the moment that's more than I can give. I did actually tell him all of this (hopefully I was coherent - I'm not 100% sure). He agreed that he couldn't accept a casual relationship where we just waited to see where it went. He said it was all or nothing. I could've lied and said all but a relationship built on a lie is not a good idea so I went with nothing.
We said we'd discuss it again if we're both still single in a few months. I'm glad I made the sensible decision. Hope I still think it's sensible when I'm no longer hopped up on pain-killers.
Hmmm well I just realised the song lyrics I picked for the title of this post don't really fit. It's more like the total opposite. "This could be something but i'm not willing to give it a try". Heh well I don't know a song that has those lyrics so we'll just stick with James Morrison for now.
Just on the topic of this James Morrison song (which is 'You Give Me Something' for anyone who doesn't recognise it). Is it about him falling in love with someone and he can't believe it because he's never been in love before? Or, is it about him falling in love with someone who is already in a relationship?
I wonder because these two lines confuse me:
I never thought that I'd love someone
That was someone else's dream
I'm not sure whether he means he has fallen in love with someone who is someone else's dream or if he means he thought he was never going to fall in love.
Hmmm I just don't know. Ok, I'm going to sleep now. I'm feeling sorta woozy. (And I want to be feeling better by midnight so I can go and watch The Departed - woohoo!!) share this: facebook
This entry was posted
on Friday, November 10, 2006 at 5:44 PM.
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2 Comments:
You're going to love the departed. It's fantastic. Or maybe you'll hate it and we'll have to re-evaluate everything we think we know about each other.
We're safe - I loved it. More than loved it even.
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