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So I was having a debate with a friend on Saturday about what love is. She said she was in love with a guy she's never actually met, except online. I said I didn't think that was possible and I still believe it's not. You can like someone a lot and you can get bloody close to falling in love but I don't think you can actually make that final leap. Not when you don't ACTUALLY know them. It's far too easy to hide stuff from someone you haven't met.
Case in point. Another friend of mine fell hard for a guy she met on NZ Dating. They talked online for a couple of months, exchanged pictures and talked on the phone. They seemed to share all the same interests, a love of reading, a fascination with geology and a couple of other things. So they finally decided one day that they should meet. She was convinced he was the one and all I had heard about for weeks was how they were so perfect for each other.
The time finally came for them to meet and she is almost impossible to contain in her excitement. They meet and it goes well. She's a little put off that he has a missing front tooth that hadn't been mentioned (apparently he had his mouth closed in all pictures) but she didn't let that stop her from pursuing who she thought was the love of her life. Six dates later she was seeing the error of her ways. You see, he had no interest in geology whatsoever and didn't appear to be very well-read either. Over the internet it was easy for him to fake these things because he could look up whatever she was talking about. People accept long delays in answers on the 'net which gives you plenty of time to come up with the right answer. In real-life that luxury does not exist.
So, no I don't think it's possible to fall in love with someone you haven't met. What I do think is that it can speed up the process when you actually do meet. So long as both of you have been honest and haven't been hiding the real you.
And before anyone starts jumping up and down and calling me a hypocrite. I've met heaps of guys off the internet and only once did it ever work out (well, work out is a relative term, it lasted a couple of weeks and we have remained friends). I've never claimed to be in love with any of the guys when i'm talking to them. I think it's a great way to meet people, I just think you've gotta be aware that the person you think you know might not be the person you know at all.
This conversation then lead into the conversation of what love actually is. The title of this post has a little something to do with my answer to that question. I think love is being willing to sacrifice your own wants/needs for the other person. You want to give them whatever they want no matter what the cost is to yourself.
Well all this discussion didn't change a thing. She's still convinced she's in love with this guy. I hope she's right and I'm wrong because she really deserves to be happy.
Haha just as a quick aside before I get back to work - I just wandered out into the foyer and there was an old guy there singing opera-style. He was really good!
So I was having a debate with a friend on Saturday about what love is. She said she was in love with a guy she's never actually met, except online. I said I didn't think that was possible and I still believe it's not. You can like someone a lot and you can get bloody close to falling in love but I don't think you can actually make that final leap. Not when you don't ACTUALLY know them. It's far too easy to hide stuff from someone you haven't met.
Case in point. Another friend of mine fell hard for a guy she met on NZ Dating. They talked online for a couple of months, exchanged pictures and talked on the phone. They seemed to share all the same interests, a love of reading, a fascination with geology and a couple of other things. So they finally decided one day that they should meet. She was convinced he was the one and all I had heard about for weeks was how they were so perfect for each other.
The time finally came for them to meet and she is almost impossible to contain in her excitement. They meet and it goes well. She's a little put off that he has a missing front tooth that hadn't been mentioned (apparently he had his mouth closed in all pictures) but she didn't let that stop her from pursuing who she thought was the love of her life. Six dates later she was seeing the error of her ways. You see, he had no interest in geology whatsoever and didn't appear to be very well-read either. Over the internet it was easy for him to fake these things because he could look up whatever she was talking about. People accept long delays in answers on the 'net which gives you plenty of time to come up with the right answer. In real-life that luxury does not exist.
So, no I don't think it's possible to fall in love with someone you haven't met. What I do think is that it can speed up the process when you actually do meet. So long as both of you have been honest and haven't been hiding the real you.
And before anyone starts jumping up and down and calling me a hypocrite. I've met heaps of guys off the internet and only once did it ever work out (well, work out is a relative term, it lasted a couple of weeks and we have remained friends). I've never claimed to be in love with any of the guys when i'm talking to them. I think it's a great way to meet people, I just think you've gotta be aware that the person you think you know might not be the person you know at all.
This conversation then lead into the conversation of what love actually is. The title of this post has a little something to do with my answer to that question. I think love is being willing to sacrifice your own wants/needs for the other person. You want to give them whatever they want no matter what the cost is to yourself.
Well all this discussion didn't change a thing. She's still convinced she's in love with this guy. I hope she's right and I'm wrong because she really deserves to be happy.
Haha just as a quick aside before I get back to work - I just wandered out into the foyer and there was an old guy there singing opera-style. He was really good!
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on Monday, October 30, 2006 at 11:25 AM.
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3 Comments:
i think she should have known the gig was up when the phrase "love of geology" was used.
...as in "I too, share a love of geology."
Well... Yes. Maybe that would have clued normal people in. If any guy ever told me they had a love of geology I'd be running for the hills, just in case they were serious.
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