The World Of Jadeey



Crazy text messages

Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Last night something weird happened, I started getting text messages from a random phone number I didn't recognise. Her are is the back and forth between me and this person - for all of your enjoyment.

Her: Hey skank
Me: Um.... who is this
Her: Jessica
Me: Sorry I think you've got the wrong person, I don't know a Jessica
Her: Is this holly?
Me: Yeah it is. Sorry, Jessica who?
Her: Jessica Norton
Me: Your name is really familiar but I can't place you sorry. How did we meet?
Her: In town thru sum friends ages ago. ur a bitch eh
Me: Um ok. What friends?
Her: It doesn't matter what friends. U fucked ova one of my mates + i honestly dnt like u eh
Me: Who did I fuck over?
Her: I dnt want to say who, i dnt want to draw other ppl into this. its btwn u + me. i'm the one that doesn't like u
Me: I really think you've got the wrong person
Her: oh its u bitch
Me: Ok and what did I supposedly do to this person I fucked over?
Her: just the way u treated him, lied to him. ur a fucken skank
Me: now I know you've got the wrong girl. It's not me
Her: How about we meet and settle this face to face
Me: Sure if it'll shut you up by proving it's not me
Her: okay you dumb cow. Let me know where is good for u, sumwhere discreet - wld hate to be interupted
Me: You name the place. You're the crazy one. I don't really give a damn

Of course, I had no intention of actually meeting her. I just wanted to know where she would name as the place because I wasn't sure if she was from Auckland or Wellington, or somewhere els entirely.

I still have no clue who she is. She never named a place which kinda proves she was just all talk. It's pretty funny though! (And very crazy)

Labels: , ,

The Medieval Supplies Store

Saturday, October 18, 2008
A couple of weeks ago, while I was on the bus, I noticed a shop in Petone called The Medieval Supplies Store. I was very intrigued. It looks like a really big store.

Further inspection has revealed that they really do sell medieval supplies - the name does not lie. And it really is a huge store. In The Medieval Supplies Store you can buy suits of armour (the stand-alone types you see in castles), swords, bows and arrows, chainmail... The list goes on.

What I want to know is..... How on earth is there enough interest in medieval supplies that this store can stay in business? Who needs medieval supplies? Does anyone? The only possible time I think I might need medieval supplies is if I was going to a costume party and had a medieval-type costume. I'm sure there is not enough interest in medieval costumes for that to be its sole purpose.

Do you think there are people out there walking around with chainmail shirts on under their clothes and suits of armour in their house?

There is one other possibility. This is a possibility that occurred to me a few years ago when I discovered another shop that confused me. The shop was a computer shop in Central Hutt. It was hardly ever open and all the computer boxes in the window were dusty and about two years out of date. I'm pretty sure that shop was actually a time-warp back to two years ago. It's the only thing that makes sense. And now I reckon I've discovered another one - but this one takes you back to medieval times!!

Super cool.

Labels: ,

Trogdor!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008
I'm very sleepy. I have to stay awake for a bit longer though and finish up some school work. It's a hideously busy school work week this week, which is particularly sucky because I thought it was going to be a fairly easy week.

Here is a song:

TROGDOR!!! TROGDOR!!
Trogdor was a man...
I mean, he was a dragon man!
uh, actually he was just a dragon
...um, but he was still
TROGDOR!!! TROGDOR!!!
Burninating the countryside
Burninating the peasants
Burninating all the people
and the thatched ROOF COTTAGES!!!
THATCHED ROOF COTTAGES!!!
and then Trogdor comes in the NIGHT!!!

And don't forget the consummate Vs!

I fell in love with Trogdor many, many years ago. It is one of those things where I still remember the exact moment I first saw him. It was a good moment.

TROGDOR!!!!!

Labels: , ,

It's all about me

Wednesday, October 08, 2008
I was wondering today what impression anyone who reads this blog, and doesn't actually know me, has of me after reading for a long time. I'm not certain there is actually anyone who consistently reads it and doesn't actually know me, but if there is I wonder at their impression of me.

I'm guessing it's somewhere along these lines (depending exactly how long they have been reading)

- Is studying this year
- Used to work in a job that drove me crazy most of the time
- Lives in New Zealand
- Obsessed with The Office
- Loves John Krasinski
- Loves Stephen Fleming
- Is a staunch Labour supporter
- Hates all things right-wing
- Loves movies
- Thinks I'm funnier than I actually am
- Is a wee bit insane, hopefully in a good way
- Likes playing video games
- Loves cricket
- Obsessed with Harry Potter
- Always comes 3rd in the local movie theatre quiz night

A pretty superficial version of me, but also accurate. So, that's me according to my blog. Neat.

Labels: ,

Reading the dictionary

Friday, August 29, 2008
I'm sure most people who read this blog regularly and who know me, expect me to blog about Winston Peters today. But I'm not going to.

Instead I'm going to talk about a funny that I discovered at work today.

I was going through the dictionary at work, checking up on the correct spelling of a word. (I can't even remember what word right now.) Anyway, as I was flicking through I was looking at the words in the top right hand corner - the ones that say which word is at the beginning and end of each page. Some words I noticed:

blow job
condom
felatio
fornication
handjob
sex

All of those words were written in the top right hand corner of the page! The dictionary was a fairly big one - with, on average, 30 entries per page. And yet, those words all happened to fall onto the beginning or end of the page. I think the dictionary is trying to tell someone something.

Labels: ,

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad

Saturday, October 28, 2006
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had

I have a mini-obsession with this song, it is one of the few songs in my iPod that I never skip when it comes on. Usually I spend quite a bit of time skipping through tracks until I find something I'm in the mood to listen to. Mad World is always acceptable though.

I thought the lyric was vaguely appropriate today because I had a dream last night that I can't quite remember and it's really bugging me. I keep just about remembering but can't keep hold of it. I'm sure it wasn't exciting but because I can't remember I wanna know!

I bought new body-wash the other day because the supermarket didn't have my usual one. It smells AMAZING and I really like it. There's just one thing that makes me hesitate at the idea of buying it again. It reminds me of semen. This is not just me being weird, it really does! It's white and creamy looking. Honestly, I feel a little weird every time I rub it all over my body.

Ha, that reminds me of a very funny story. Unfortunately I shouldn't really tell it, since the person it's about does come here, she might not be too impressed even though I wouldn't reveal names. But now that I've gone this far she knows what I'm talking about and is probably cursing me anyway!

Argh my flatmate can be annoying sometimes. Once he's got an idea in his head he can be hard to convince otherwise.

He just came into my room and said he was going to take down the wi-fi for 5-10 minutes. I asked why and he said because he wanted tidy up his desk and that meant unplugging and untangling all the cables, one of which is the wi-fi router. I said I was downloading so could he wait until a little later on. He said that he really wanted to get it done now, before he turned his computer on for the day.

Um? Who cares? If I cancel my download I'll have to start it again, I think maybe he could just turn his computer off at some stage today! I did win the argument in the end but he is having a little sulk about it right now.

I'm off helping a friend find a new flat today. She doesn't have a car so I'm doing the driving. It's times like these that I'm incredibly grateful we found our new flat as easily as we did. And that it's as nice as it is.

Labels: , , ,

Your best friend always sticking up for you

Thursday, October 12, 2006
Even when I know you're wrong.

It's true too. They do. No matter what I do. They are on my side. Cos that's what friends are for. I love that I can tell my friends anything and they'll just support me. Even if we all know I am totally in the wrong. They'll tell me I'm wrong but they will be on my side anyway. That's neat. I hope I do the same for them.

My cat is being very cute but very annoying right now. He is lying across my hands as I try and type. He loves me lots. :)

So, I was on the bus today for an hour on my way into town for work. I used to read on the bus but now I find it so much more fun to just watch people and make up stories for them. I got some good ones today!

Story 1
I was standing waiting at the bus stop. I could see the bus coming, in front of it there was a van and a blue car. The blue car (with a woman driving) was in the front and it suddenly pulled over to the kerb right before the bus stop. (and I mean suddenly, no indicating or anything.) The van (with a man driving) swerved in front of the blue car and pulled to a stop right in front. As soon as the van swerved in the blue car pulled back into the traffic (again without indicating and DIRECTLY in front of the bus). The van followed suit and the bus had to slam on its breaks due to all of this stupidity.

What I think happened
Van Man is actually a drug runner. This morning he had a very early morning meeting with Blue Car Woman, a desperate woman who needed something to keep her going. She has so much going on in her life with her high-powered job and taking care of the kids. Not only that but her husband is a tosser who believes the cooking and cleaning is womens work, so Blue Car Woman has to keep the house clean and have dinner on the table by 7pm every night.

Blue Car Woman told herself she just needed a fix to get her through the day. She had a huge meeting that she had been up all night preparing for. Then this evening it's little Timmy and Tommy's school play so she won't even be able to get an early night. So Blue Car Woman called Van Man, she got his number from a friend on the internet.

When Blue Car Woman got there she suddenly realised she had left the cash she got ready to pay with at home. She knew she needed the stuff, she couldn't get through this damn day without it, so she panicked. She took the drugs and ran, jumped in her car and started to drive.

Van Man was faster than she had expected and leapt into his van to pursue her. After driving around for a while she realised she wasn't getting any further in front of him and she needed to do something else. She decided to pull to the kerb, hoping he would have to keep going and that traffic would stop Van Man from being able to turn around and come back after her. Again Van Man thwarted her plan and was too fast, pulling in right in front of her.

Blue Car Woman pulled in front of the bus, once again hoping someone out there would give her a helping hand and create enough traffic that Van Man wouldn't be able to pull in after her. But no-one was on her side, because who would be on the side of a drug-taking mother? So, instead of traffic stopping Van Man, he was quick off the blocks and kept up the pursuit. This was clearly not going to end until one of them ran out of petrol. So who does fate prefer? A drug-taking mother or a drug runner? Well, we may never know.

Story 2
There was a woman, she must have been in her mid to late fortys. She was riding a scooter down the road, not down the footpath but down the road. On a road where the cars were easily doing 50kph. And I don't mean on a motorised scooter either. It was one of those scooters where you have to push yourself along with your leg. One of those scooters that you generally only see kids on.

What I think happened
Scooter Woman has been single a long time. Every time she meets a guy and thinks he is 'the one' he turns out to be a loser who hurts her in some way. She's dated two druggies, an in-the-closet gay guy who then came out of the closet right before their wedding day, a guy who hit her, three cheaters and a narcissistic man-child who actually really does suffer from the Oedipus Complex.

Finally, on her forty-third birthday she met the perfect man. Her friends had talked her into trying speed-dating and there he was, the perfect guy. Perfect Guy actually really was perfect and they dated for two years before he finally proposed.

Scooter Woman, like every woman, panicked as her wedding drew closer and decided she desperately needed to lose weight. She tried the gym but found that she hated it and didn't often go. She still wanted to lose the weight so needed to find some other exercise to get the weight off. Swimming was out, she didn't want to get into togs, and running was out because she would run for 30 seconds and then just walk.

One Saturday, just as Scooter Woman was beginning to give up on ever losing weight, she was at Perfect Guy's sister's house for brunch and was watching her future nephew-in-law playing with his scooter. That was it, she thought, here was the answer.

So Scooter Woman went out and bought herself a scooter. She then took it to the road and got scooting. This was it - she did it every day and loved it.

Unfortunately, this story does not have a truly happy ending. Oh yes, she kept it up right up until the wedding and lost all the weight she wanted to. The unfortunate part? Rather than changing which leg pushes her along, Scooter Woman kept using her left leg. So, at her wedding she was beautiful and skinny but with abnormally developed muscles in her left leg and totally under-developed muscles in her right leg.


There was a third story but I've forgotten what happened cos too much time has passed. I'm very sorry about that.

On my bike ride today I almost crashed into a poor woman. She was under the bridge, facing away from me and standing with her arms in the air. I couldn't figure out what she was doing but she wasn't in my way so I wasn't overly bothered. I was speeding down the hill and suddenly she started to dance. She still wasn't facing me and spun herself right into my way. Thankfully I managed to brake and swerve out of the way and didn't crash into her. But man, it gave me a fright and a half!

I went to the supermarket to get the vegetables for dinner (wearing my shorts and movie t-shirt cos I biked there). In the supermarket I saw my ex. Gutted that I wasn't exactly looking good when I saw him, what with the shorts (revealing hideously white legs) and baggy, geeky t-shirt. Not to mention the helmet hair!

Now, we all know I've had a million and one terrible relationhips. I seem to invite people who treat me badly (Oh - kinda like Scooter Woman, well not as bad as her guys though). This guy was one of the bad ones. He cheated on me. I forgave him. He cheated on me again 3 weeks later with someone else.

I would have preferred to have been looking sensational (well as sensational as I can) so that he was upset about what he lost. Haha instead he probably thought he had a lucky break!

That's it for today. I have plenty more to write but I've just realised how long this is getting. I bet no-one bothers to read this far!

Labels: , ,

Ummmmm

Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Do I look like a lesbian?

Cos the L/Hutt coke rep just asked me out. And the L/Hutt coke rep is a girl....

On Monday I got free coke from the (male) Wgtn coke rep. That was okay, great even. But this surprised me. Haha what sort of vibes am I giving off?

Weird.

Sorry boys, I said no. So no fantasies to be created out of this one. But I'm sure if you really want and ask nicely I could make something up!

Labels: ,

I like your pants around your feet

And that has absolutely no reference to anything I'm going to write today as far as I know. But these things tend to take on a life of their own as I'm writing so you never can tell!

Bugger it! Now I've forgotten what I was actually going to write about! Piss.

Oh that's right. I wanted to show off about how popular I am. 4 people, that's right 4, invited me to lunch today. Ha how cool am I! None of them were the boy who it appears may again be the ex-boy. I'm not sure. I can't figure him out anymore. He says he still wants to be together but I haven't seen him in over 2 weeks. I've spoken to him but they are pretty boring conversations. He is busy with the end of uni though so I should cut him a little slack I guess.

Funny thing is? I don't care. I really, really don't. I think that should be telling me something. (and don't panic, dear readers, he doesn't come here so will not read this!) Ah who am I kidding? If he calls we all know I'll go running. No matter how hard SpaceMonkey tries to stop me and talk sense into me. Destruction - I am your follower.

To further illustrate how popular I am (and take all this talk away from how idiotic I can be) - I have 9 text messages left out of my 500 and still 4 days to go until my contract rolls over. To put it into further perspective I used 380 texts in the first 16 days and have been using my other phone recently so that I don't run out too fast. That's 23 txts a day. Did I get any work done?

Actually, I'm not so sure that's something to brag about at all.

Man, I'm in a good mood today. Pity it's spoiled by being at work. While no-one was here I had the music up nice and loud and danced around the office a bit. There are people here now so I have to be better behaved but in my head I'm still dancing.

:-)

Labels: , ,

You'll Never Walk Alone

Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Someone just came in and told me I'd never walk alone again if I embraced Jesus. Personally it just made me think of the Gerry and the Pacemakers song that was played at my Granddad's funeral. I liked that song.

I do wonder, though, why someone would come into my place of work to preach to me. It makes sense I guess, I couldn't be rude because the guy could have been a potential customer and I can't give my company a bad image like that. But still, it annoyed me. Do they ever get anyone to suddenly convert to their religion by going around preaching?

I'm incredibly sleepy today. I haven't been sleeping well the last couple of nights. My dreams are being very weird and it's waking me up. I'm so nice and warm in my office I feel like just taking a little nap.

I've been told off for the lack of film reviews here recently. My only defence is that I have really written on here that much this year (ignoring this week).

However, in the interests of pleasing those of you who come here to read film reviews rather than listen to me ramble about my life, I promise to get some done in the next couple of weeks. (and lets face it, surely everyone here must be here for the reviews, because why on earth would you be here for my pathetic ramblings - they're really rather boring even to me!)

So - film reviews coming soon. Rejoice.

Labels: , ,

Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?

Sunday, October 01, 2006
I'm confused. So confused it scares me. There is something that has happened and it is going to have one of two possible outcomes. The confusion? I have no idea which outcome I want and still at least a week before I find out which it is going to be. I also have absolutely no control over which outcome it is going to be.

I'm 90% certain I want the answer to be outcome 1. I can't tear my mind away from the idea, it thrills me while scaring the shit out of me. There is so much wrong with wanting it yet at the same time I know I'm going to be utterly devastated if it's not the outcome I want.

The other 10% of me wants outcome 2 because I know it to be the sensible outcome to hope for. I shouldn't be wanting outcome 1, I'm insane to be not hoping for outcome 2 with my whole being.

So why do I want outcome 1 so badly? Am I really that self-desctrutive? Yes, I guess I am. Because without doubt it is what I want. It's not going to be the answer though and I should be steeling myself for disappointment. I can't though. My whole imagination is filled with the idea of what I will do if it is outcome 1, I imagine 100 different scenarios of how it will be. My goodness it is going to hurt when it doesn't happen like I'm hoping it will.

In other, less confusing news, I just drank a whole 600ml bottle of Mountain Dew and now feel very bloated and sick. Haha but I have no-one to blame but myself. Stupid lack of self control!

Labels: , , , ,