The World Of Jadeey

You make me happier than I've been before

It's true too. He does. And I hope he is.

You know what else would make me happy? Winning a million dollars. When I do (although I don't usually play lotto so no clue how I'm gonna win it) this is what I will spend it on. I wouldn't bother putting any in the bank. If I won more than a million then sure but I could make better use of it by spending it.

Paying off my parents' mortgages and buying my mum a new car (my dad's car is already nice). This'll be around $150,000
Buy myself a house, not much more expensive than what I plan to spend anyway. Around $350,000
Buy 2-3 cheap investment properties. $400,000
The rest would go towards taking me and a friend to the cricket world cup, plus allowing me to visit a couple of friends who live overseas. Jannie in Sweden, Sam, Nikki and Hannah (if I can find her) in the US

Finding someone to come to the cricket world cup might be an effort. My dad would be the most obvious choice but he wouldn't be able to get time off work. The boy will be back at uni, KJ probably couldn't get time off either. In fact, purely because he'd be the only one able to easily drop what he's doing and come too I think Shuk would be the winner. He was the one I was going to go with anyway so that would work out well.

Man I wish I was going. Hmmmm perhaps should begin buying lotto tickets ;)

That's what I'd do with my million dollars, basically it'd all be spent within a couple of days. (although the things I bought would last me a long time and be very beneficial so it wouldn't be wasted).

Labels: boys, fantasy

I'm confused. So confused it scares me. There is something that has happened and it is going to have one of two possible outcomes. The confusion? I have no idea which outcome I want and still at least a week before I find out which it is going to be. I also have absolutely no control over which outcome it is going to be.

I'm 90% certain I want the answer to be outcome 1. I can't tear my mind away from the idea, it thrills me while scaring the shit out of me. There is so much wrong with wanting it yet at the same time I know I'm going to be utterly devastated if it's not the outcome I want.

The other 10% of me wants outcome 2 because I know it to be the sensible outcome to hope for. I shouldn't be wanting outcome 1, I'm insane to be not hoping for outcome 2 with my whole being.

So why do I want outcome 1 so badly? Am I really that self-desctrutive? Yes, I guess I am. Because without doubt it is what I want. It's not going to be the answer though and I should be steeling myself for disappointment. I can't though. My whole imagination is filled with the idea of what I will do if it is outcome 1, I imagine 100 different scenarios of how it will be. My goodness it is going to hurt when it doesn't happen like I'm hoping it will.

In other, less confusing news, I just drank a whole 600ml bottle of Mountain Dew and now feel very bloated and sick. Haha but I have no-one to blame but myself. Stupid lack of self control!

Labels: decisions, fantasy, fears, Mountain Dew, random