The World Of Jadeey

Here it is. Ask the question and (with shuffle on, obviously) hit next on iTunes to see what comes up.

How does the world see me?
Artist: Mark Mallman
Song: Turn on of the century
Comment: REALLY??? Then why am I still single?

Will I have a happy life?
Artist: Cat Stevens
Song: Sitting
Comment: Seems good. Not a Cat Stevens song that I know well though so I might be missing a crucial line that tells me something important!

What do people really think of me?
Artist: Blue
Song: Best in me
Comment: Does this mean that I bring out the best in people? I’m going to choose to think yes.

How can I make myself happy?
Artist: Queen
Song: This Thing Called Love
Comment: I KNEW it!!!

What should I do with my life?
Artist: Michael Jackson
Song: Beat It
Comment: Ummmm. Oh dear.

What is some good advice for me?
Artist: Bloodhound Gang
Song: The Bad Touch
Comment: So I need to go out and have some more sex? I can do that!

What do I think my current theme song is?
Artist: Michael Jackson
Song: Come Together
Comment: Kat thinks this means I want everyone to love each other.

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Artist: Gary Jules
Song: Mad World
Comment: I love this song. It always makes me really sad. I think because it always reminds me of that ad with the photos of the people who had died from drunk drivers.

What song will play at my funeral?
Artist: James Morrison
Song: This Boy
Comment: This doesn’t make sense. Although if I was a boy and a Christian maybe it would. But I’m not. So. It doesn’t.

What type of men do you like?
Artist: The Exponents
Song: Victoria
Comment: Umm does this mean I like the female type of men? Cos I DON’T!!

What is my day going to be like?
Artist: The Long Blondes
Song: Once and Never Again
Comment: I don’t really understand this one either. I’m not 19 and won’t be tomorrow either. But I guess if you turn it into “you’re only 25 for god sake” maybe it makes sense.

Why am I here?
Artist: The Clash
Song: I Fought the Law
Comment: Riiiiight.

What will people remember me for?
Artist: Simple Plan
Song: Me Against the World
Comment: People will remember me for being a nightmare and a disaster? Neat.

What song will be stuck in my head tomorrow?
Artist: Queen
Song: Somebody to Love
Comment: I have 390 songs in the playlist I’m using and this is the one that comes up? Sheesh. It probably will be stuck in my head now. However, had I not just listened to it, there is no way it would have.

Are there people outside waiting to take me away?
Artist: Jesse McCartney
Song: Invincible
Comment: Not sure what this means. That I’m invincible so no-one will ever take me away? Or that I am going to die as a result of a drunk driver and the ambulance will take me away?

What will this year be all about?
Artist: The Exponents
Song: I’ll Say Goodbye (even though I’m blue)
Comment: Well that’s true. I did say goodbye to Wellington and probably won’t be back there until next year.

To make me feel this way

I think something is wrong with me. No, scratch that. I KNOW something is wrong with me. Now I just have to figure out whether something is wrong enough with me to need to go to the doctor.

I hate work. I get up in the morning (or even just wake up in the wee small hours long before my alarm is due to go off) clutched with a fear about the upcoming day of work. I feel sick and on the verge of tears a lot of the time before work. Once I get there I'm okay. Sometimes I hate it (mainly when the boss is around being a prick) and sometimes I really enjoy it. Even when I hate it it's not enough to induce that feeling of fair and loathing I feel before work every day.

I know what you are all thinking. "Hell, Holly, get to the doctor. You are clearly in the beginnings of clinical depression." Yeah, I know the signs all too well but that is not quite what this is. You see, after work I feel none of that. I still miss home but not in a horrible, painful way.

I had a heap of fun with my flatmate yesterday afternoon/night. I have a heap of fun with my flatmate on a fairly regular basis. That leads me to the idea that this is all work related. I don't 100% understand that since I'm pretty sure I hate the idea of it far more than I hate the actual job. I seem to have worked myself into a state where I can't bear the idea of my job and this is not good.

My first idea is to leave work and find a new job. But that fills me with fear too. What am I going to do? What if I left and couldn't find a new job? I should find a new job before I leave but that would involve actually having time to go to interviews which I don't.

I really don't know what to do.

I also don't know what to do about the fact that New Zealand lost the cricket last night. Well, there's nothing I can do about it so I don't need to do anything. But it is very sad. We lost to Sri Lanka so we did not make it to the finals. Suddenly I'm very glad I'm not over there.

Life is very sad for Holly today. :(

Well I've now been in Auckland for almost 3 months. I still miss home every single day.

Ingrid came up to visit last week and it was so great having her here. Almost tore me apart when she had to leave though. I could barely resist the temptation to just quit and go back with her. In fact, the only thing that really held me back was that I would be letting my flatmate down so much by ditching her.

I enjoy my job but I don't enjoy it enough. It was absolutely the right move for me to come up here and do it but I'm finished now. Now I want something else.

I wasn't going to spend this post complaining about how much I miss home but I can't help it cos I do so painfully much.

I will try and move on now to a more interesting topic. That is the topic of online dating. From what I can tell this is a huge phenomena, a surprising number of people are really into it. I never really have been. I really enjoy chatting online but I lack far too much confidence in myself to actually want to meet a guy off the 'net. I don't want him to have invested all this time into chatting to me only to find out that I am a disappointment when he meets me. This is not to say that I haven't met guys off the 'net, cos I have. But I'm not seriously into it and don't consider it a way to meet the love of my life.

What I do find amusing is the number of guys who think that by sending you the message "wanna meet up and have me rock your world" they will actually get a quick, no-strings lay. How many girls on the 'net actually go for that? I would have to assume not many.

Guys also need to understand that their equipment is not attractive. Being sent a photo of a guy's penis does not turn me on. In fact, it totally puts me off him.

Boys are strange creatures. So very strange.

I have a lot more to write but I'm also incredibly tired right now and am going to chose to sleep instead.

Later.

I've been told by my new (and extremely awesome) flatmate that I must update before I am allowed to sleep. (A bit mean since I've been averaging about 18 hours a day at work recently and should really be asleep right now. IT'S TOO LATE at night for me to be still awake) But, I'm going to take it as a compliment that I am awesome and provide amusement to all who read this blog. Yes, all three of you.

So, I want to write all about how I'm going in Auckland but I can't be fucked. I'm far too sleepy and dopey (and I was grumpy earlier but am happy now so that's quite a few of the 7 dwarfs) to bother. I will tell you all that neither myself or my flatmate even have time to pee at work we are so busy. That's right, my urine has to be held in for 18 hours because I can't take 30 seconds to go to the bathroom. Well, after holding on for a few hours it'd probably come out very fast so maybe I'd only need 15 seconds. But then you've got to add on hand washing time and that takes it back up to more time than I can spare. And yes, I've just told the world about my urine...

Oh, hang on.... Is Sleepy actually a dwarf or just a smurf? Is Sleepy even a smurf? Did I just make something up and look stupid? No, I'm pretty sure that Sleepy is both a dwarf and a smurf. If not I'm sure I will be corrected quick-smart.

INGRID IS COMING TO VISIT ME IN 10 DAYS!!!!! I'm incredibly excited, as you can probably tell. I have many things planned for her vist, all of which probably won't happen because I'll end up stuck at work.

I'm also looking forward to her visiting so I can prove to people at work that I do have friends. The running joke is that I have no friends since I don't really know many people in Auckland. I do find it amusing but I won't find it amusing if people start taking it seriously. I think some of the staff are because a few of them have said "I'll be your friend Holly." Heh, yeah way to suck up to the boss!

I've got some photos that I will put up on here when I get around to it of me at the big opening. I was in a dress!!! I was also dateless thanks to my friend rejecting me. (heh I'm just winding him up, he had a good excuse).

A guy at work, Mark, was telling me today that a week ago he read there had been 8 teacher/student relationships discovered in schools around New Zealand over the past 2 months. Eight!! That's a lot! How does a teacher/student relationship start? Does the teacher actually go up to the student and say "how badly do you want to improve your grade?"

I read once about a teacher who got pregnant to her 15 year old student. That's so disgusting. What was she doing looking at a 15 year old that way? Ick it makes me feel sick. I had a friend back at school who slept with our PE teacher a few days after the end of 7th form. She's never quite told us how it occurred but I do know that she went back to his house and then he dropped her off home on his way to school for a meeting the next morning. I found that very amusing for some reason. I also found it amusing that his name was Nigel and Nigel just doesn't seem like a fitting name for a hot, young PE teacher. (And he was very hot, half the school was in love with him.)

Right, sleepy now and since I've done nothing in the past 8 weeks except work I have nothing of interest to say so I'm going to give up and stop this here.