What a wicked game to play
To make me feel this way
I think something is wrong with me. No, scratch that. I KNOW something is wrong with me. Now I just have to figure out whether something is wrong enough with me to need to go to the doctor.
I hate work. I get up in the morning (or even just wake up in the wee small hours long before my alarm is due to go off) clutched with a fear about the upcoming day of work. I feel sick and on the verge of tears a lot of the time before work. Once I get there I'm okay. Sometimes I hate it (mainly when the boss is around being a prick) and sometimes I really enjoy it. Even when I hate it it's not enough to induce that feeling of fair and loathing I feel before work every day.
I know what you are all thinking. "Hell, Holly, get to the doctor. You are clearly in the beginnings of clinical depression." Yeah, I know the signs all too well but that is not quite what this is. You see, after work I feel none of that. I still miss home but not in a horrible, painful way.
I had a heap of fun with my flatmate yesterday afternoon/night. I have a heap of fun with my flatmate on a fairly regular basis. That leads me to the idea that this is all work related. I don't 100% understand that since I'm pretty sure I hate the idea of it far more than I hate the actual job. I seem to have worked myself into a state where I can't bear the idea of my job and this is not good.
My first idea is to leave work and find a new job. But that fills me with fear too. What am I going to do? What if I left and couldn't find a new job? I should find a new job before I leave but that would involve actually having time to go to interviews which I don't.
I really don't know what to do.
I also don't know what to do about the fact that New Zealand lost the cricket last night. Well, there's nothing I can do about it so I don't need to do anything. But it is very sad. We lost to Sri Lanka so we did not make it to the finals. Suddenly I'm very glad I'm not over there.
Life is very sad for Holly today. :( share this: facebook
I think something is wrong with me. No, scratch that. I KNOW something is wrong with me. Now I just have to figure out whether something is wrong enough with me to need to go to the doctor.
I hate work. I get up in the morning (or even just wake up in the wee small hours long before my alarm is due to go off) clutched with a fear about the upcoming day of work. I feel sick and on the verge of tears a lot of the time before work. Once I get there I'm okay. Sometimes I hate it (mainly when the boss is around being a prick) and sometimes I really enjoy it. Even when I hate it it's not enough to induce that feeling of fair and loathing I feel before work every day.
I know what you are all thinking. "Hell, Holly, get to the doctor. You are clearly in the beginnings of clinical depression." Yeah, I know the signs all too well but that is not quite what this is. You see, after work I feel none of that. I still miss home but not in a horrible, painful way.
I had a heap of fun with my flatmate yesterday afternoon/night. I have a heap of fun with my flatmate on a fairly regular basis. That leads me to the idea that this is all work related. I don't 100% understand that since I'm pretty sure I hate the idea of it far more than I hate the actual job. I seem to have worked myself into a state where I can't bear the idea of my job and this is not good.
My first idea is to leave work and find a new job. But that fills me with fear too. What am I going to do? What if I left and couldn't find a new job? I should find a new job before I leave but that would involve actually having time to go to interviews which I don't.
I really don't know what to do.
I also don't know what to do about the fact that New Zealand lost the cricket last night. Well, there's nothing I can do about it so I don't need to do anything. But it is very sad. We lost to Sri Lanka so we did not make it to the finals. Suddenly I'm very glad I'm not over there.
Life is very sad for Holly today. :( share this: facebook
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on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 at 10:36 AM.
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