It's just a playground battle
I am worried that forcing myself to post everyday is damaging the integrity of this blog. What integrity you ask... The integrity that comes with only posting when I have something I want to say, of only posting that which I feel a need to share rather than forcing myself to come up with something everyday.
However, for the short-term I will persist. If my feelings along these lines continue I will stop posting everyday and go back to just posting when I feel like it. In other words, we will see.
I read a book today about a boy who wakes up one morning and decides to take guns and bombs with him to his high school and shoot up the place. It was an interesting book and one which I really enjoyed. It did get me thinking about popularity and how that works.
It seems to me that high school in America is a very damaging place. I went to an all-girls high school and so I don't know what co-ed high schools here in NZ are like but my school was nothing like the portrayal of American schools in books, movies, tv shows and even the news. In my school there was no jocks, geeks, losers, popular girls etc. Or maybe there was and I just somehow missed it.
People did get teased at my school but, to my knowledge, there was no-one that got picked on and bullied on a regular basis. There was no person that I can think of who didn't have any friends and that everyone else was scared to be friends with in case their 'weirdness' rubbed off on them. I can think of one girl who was stared at and talked about a lot behind her back. She had a form of anorexia and it did make people comment. I don't think anyone was mean to her though and she had plenty friends. I know this for sure because I was one of them.
In this book I was reading one of the main characters talks about how as one of the popular kids she always had to be on her guard to make sure she didn't do anything to lose her status. Apparently popularity is fleeting and it only takes one false move to lose it forever. I'm sure there was no-one like that at my school. There was no-one that everyone else stared at and wished they were friends with, no-one that 'ruled the school'.
Maybe it was the lack of boys that made my school different? Or maybe schools just aren't like that in New Zealand. I don't know. What I do know is that I am happy it wasn't like that. I don't think I would have been one of the unpopular ones but I certainly wouldn't have been one of the cool, beautiful girls that everyone wanted to be like. I imagine I would have been one that just slipped under the radar.
I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose a child, a friend, a family member that way. I wonder now, after reading the book, just as I wondered when I first heard about the Columbine shootings about the parents of the boys (and I think it's usually boys) who were the murderers. For that matter, I wonder about the parents of all murderers. Everyone always takes the time to feel sorry for the parents and family of victims of murder but usually not for the parent and family of the murderer themselves.
There would be a case to make for the fact that the family of a murderer doesn't deserve sympathy. After all, they brought a murderer into this world, they raised a murderer. Surely they must have done something wrong to have caused this. But, that's just not true. Maybe in some cases it is but not in all. It would be nice if you could blame psychopathic tendencies on bad parenting but you just can't. A kid could grow up with the best, most supportive, most loving parents in the world and still turn out wrong. That's the problem, as far as the experts know, there is no one cause for having a desire to kill another human being and actually acting on that impulse. If there was then the problem could be stopped before it occurs and we wouldn't have any murder at all.
So, I feel sorry for the parents of a murderer, the ones who really didn't do anything to cause their child to turn out like that. Their lives will never be the same, just like the family of the victim will never be the same. The parents didn't do any wrong to create the situation but often they will be vilified along with their child. Not only that, but they have lost their own child. Their child will never again be the sweet little person they probably once were. Only, unlike the families of the victim, they cannot openly mourn the loss of their child.
It must be sad and it must be so damn hard. The secret mourning; the asking yourself if it is something you did that caused your child to turn out to be a monster; the asking yourself if you could have stopped it somehow; the world thinking you are a bad parent; the fear that your other children may go the same way, may also commit horrific crimes; the wondering if you missed something vital, some vital moment, that could have stopped this; the knowledge that nothing will ever be the same again..
I can't even begin to imagine how it would feel just like I cannot begin to imagine what it would feel like to lose someone to murder. I hope I never learn what it feels like for I can only be thankful that I don't know. share this: facebook
However, for the short-term I will persist. If my feelings along these lines continue I will stop posting everyday and go back to just posting when I feel like it. In other words, we will see.
I read a book today about a boy who wakes up one morning and decides to take guns and bombs with him to his high school and shoot up the place. It was an interesting book and one which I really enjoyed. It did get me thinking about popularity and how that works.
It seems to me that high school in America is a very damaging place. I went to an all-girls high school and so I don't know what co-ed high schools here in NZ are like but my school was nothing like the portrayal of American schools in books, movies, tv shows and even the news. In my school there was no jocks, geeks, losers, popular girls etc. Or maybe there was and I just somehow missed it.
People did get teased at my school but, to my knowledge, there was no-one that got picked on and bullied on a regular basis. There was no person that I can think of who didn't have any friends and that everyone else was scared to be friends with in case their 'weirdness' rubbed off on them. I can think of one girl who was stared at and talked about a lot behind her back. She had a form of anorexia and it did make people comment. I don't think anyone was mean to her though and she had plenty friends. I know this for sure because I was one of them.
In this book I was reading one of the main characters talks about how as one of the popular kids she always had to be on her guard to make sure she didn't do anything to lose her status. Apparently popularity is fleeting and it only takes one false move to lose it forever. I'm sure there was no-one like that at my school. There was no-one that everyone else stared at and wished they were friends with, no-one that 'ruled the school'.
Maybe it was the lack of boys that made my school different? Or maybe schools just aren't like that in New Zealand. I don't know. What I do know is that I am happy it wasn't like that. I don't think I would have been one of the unpopular ones but I certainly wouldn't have been one of the cool, beautiful girls that everyone wanted to be like. I imagine I would have been one that just slipped under the radar.
I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose a child, a friend, a family member that way. I wonder now, after reading the book, just as I wondered when I first heard about the Columbine shootings about the parents of the boys (and I think it's usually boys) who were the murderers. For that matter, I wonder about the parents of all murderers. Everyone always takes the time to feel sorry for the parents and family of victims of murder but usually not for the parent and family of the murderer themselves.
There would be a case to make for the fact that the family of a murderer doesn't deserve sympathy. After all, they brought a murderer into this world, they raised a murderer. Surely they must have done something wrong to have caused this. But, that's just not true. Maybe in some cases it is but not in all. It would be nice if you could blame psychopathic tendencies on bad parenting but you just can't. A kid could grow up with the best, most supportive, most loving parents in the world and still turn out wrong. That's the problem, as far as the experts know, there is no one cause for having a desire to kill another human being and actually acting on that impulse. If there was then the problem could be stopped before it occurs and we wouldn't have any murder at all.
So, I feel sorry for the parents of a murderer, the ones who really didn't do anything to cause their child to turn out like that. Their lives will never be the same, just like the family of the victim will never be the same. The parents didn't do any wrong to create the situation but often they will be vilified along with their child. Not only that, but they have lost their own child. Their child will never again be the sweet little person they probably once were. Only, unlike the families of the victim, they cannot openly mourn the loss of their child.
It must be sad and it must be so damn hard. The secret mourning; the asking yourself if it is something you did that caused your child to turn out to be a monster; the asking yourself if you could have stopped it somehow; the world thinking you are a bad parent; the fear that your other children may go the same way, may also commit horrific crimes; the wondering if you missed something vital, some vital moment, that could have stopped this; the knowledge that nothing will ever be the same again..
I can't even begin to imagine how it would feel just like I cannot begin to imagine what it would feel like to lose someone to murder. I hope I never learn what it feels like for I can only be thankful that I don't know. share this: facebook
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, July 31, 2007 at 7:13 PM.
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2 Comments:
i think it comes from americans history of slavery and all that.
in history people have always been seperated by small stupid differences and its just kept on going.
standing has always been everything for americans and i think its sad that its become such a vital part of life - especially if it effects people so young.
you're either top of the ladder or ur nothing.
i think its sad.
and im also wondering who this person was? at school.
i found that everyone was friendly with everyone else.
but there were a few people who did seem to fit a certain profile
Ailsa.... I'm sure that's not how you spell her name, can't believe I can't remember how to spell her name! You know, she was friends with me, Anna, Kelly and all them? I worked for her dad.
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