I don't know what I'm hesitating for
I have a decision to make and it has been weighing very heavily on my mind recently. In reality, this past week I have been having trouble thinking about anything else and my dreams are plagued with the consequences of whichever decision I ultimately make. It is the fact that this decision is plaguing me even in my dreams that makes me aware I need to make a decision, and soon. Well that and that it is nearing the end of the year.
I need to decide whether to go back to Wellington at the end of the year or stay up here for a bit longer. I don't want to go back in the middle of a year because I want to go and do some more study and both courses I'm looking at, journalism and publishing, are only offered as full-time courses starting at the beginning of the year. Now, I might not get accepted into either but I won't find out until mid January whether I'm accepted or not which means making the decision about moving back without knowing if I'm actually accepted on a course. (And there's a good chance I won't be, both accept less than 20 people a year.)
The upshot of all this is that I need to make a decision and I need to make it soon. I have to give a months notice at work but I would prefer to give 6 weeks or even 2 months and if I'm going back I may as well make sure I'm back for Christmas since there is no guarantee I'll be able to get leave at that time.
So, I am going to make a list of pros and cons.
Pros
Get to live with Ingrid and Derek
Get to see all my Wellington friends
Get to be with family
Can finally leave Hoyts
Can take two months off to focus on my writing
Can do a publishing/journalism course
Get to see Felix again
Can look into starting a business
Cons
Have to stop living with Kat
Have to leave behind Auckland friends
Am letting Kat down
Am letting work people down
Hmmm looking at this it should be a pretty easy decision. The letting people down aspects shouldn't really count since I have to make this decision for myself not anyone else. (Even as I write that I know myself well enough that letting people down does count in my decision, I couldn't have it not count.) So why then is it still so hard for me to actually decide?
Kat will probably be leaving at the middle of next year so I guess one of us is going to have to let the other down. It's inevitable if I don't want to leave in the middle of the year and she does. I guess that voids the con about letting her down as one of us has to be the first one to leave. It's naive to believe we'll both want to leave at the same time.
Letting work down is a bit silly as I'll always be letting work people down when I leave. There are certain work people I care about letting down more than others but again, if I don't leave first that means they will and that is no more pleasant a thought than me letting them down by leaving first.
Arghh putting it down on paper really hasn't helped. I don't know what to do. I'm really hoping the answer will just come to me sometime soon. I hate decisions. Especially big, life-changing decisions. share this: facebook
I need to decide whether to go back to Wellington at the end of the year or stay up here for a bit longer. I don't want to go back in the middle of a year because I want to go and do some more study and both courses I'm looking at, journalism and publishing, are only offered as full-time courses starting at the beginning of the year. Now, I might not get accepted into either but I won't find out until mid January whether I'm accepted or not which means making the decision about moving back without knowing if I'm actually accepted on a course. (And there's a good chance I won't be, both accept less than 20 people a year.)
The upshot of all this is that I need to make a decision and I need to make it soon. I have to give a months notice at work but I would prefer to give 6 weeks or even 2 months and if I'm going back I may as well make sure I'm back for Christmas since there is no guarantee I'll be able to get leave at that time.
So, I am going to make a list of pros and cons.
Pros
Get to live with Ingrid and Derek
Get to see all my Wellington friends
Get to be with family
Can finally leave Hoyts
Can take two months off to focus on my writing
Can do a publishing/journalism course
Get to see Felix again
Can look into starting a business
Cons
Have to stop living with Kat
Have to leave behind Auckland friends
Am letting Kat down
Am letting work people down
Hmmm looking at this it should be a pretty easy decision. The letting people down aspects shouldn't really count since I have to make this decision for myself not anyone else. (Even as I write that I know myself well enough that letting people down does count in my decision, I couldn't have it not count.) So why then is it still so hard for me to actually decide?
Kat will probably be leaving at the middle of next year so I guess one of us is going to have to let the other down. It's inevitable if I don't want to leave in the middle of the year and she does. I guess that voids the con about letting her down as one of us has to be the first one to leave. It's naive to believe we'll both want to leave at the same time.
Letting work down is a bit silly as I'll always be letting work people down when I leave. There are certain work people I care about letting down more than others but again, if I don't leave first that means they will and that is no more pleasant a thought than me letting them down by leaving first.
Arghh putting it down on paper really hasn't helped. I don't know what to do. I'm really hoping the answer will just come to me sometime soon. I hate decisions. Especially big, life-changing decisions. share this: facebook
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on Wednesday, August 22, 2007 at 2:32 PM.
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